bring home a haunting (6/12)
Fandom: The Haunting of Bly Manor
Pairing: Dani Clayton/Jamie Taylor
Rating: M
Wordcount: 33,876
Summary: Dani almost has her life together, when a familiar face arrives back in town after ten years. A childhood friends AU written with @youngbloodbuzz
read it below or read it on AO3 here
On Friday night, Jamie showed up at the O'Mara's doorstep with a rucksack over her shoulder like some sort of vagabond from television.
"Hey," she said.
Dani smiled, holding the door open. "Hi. Is that everything? Or do you need help bringing stuff in?"
"Nope. This is it," Jamie said, shrugging at the bag’s weight and looking bored.
"Is that her?" Dani heard a voice behind her and suddenly Carson was at her elbow. He grabbed Jamie by the hand and hauled her bodily inside. "C'mon!" he said excitedly, not waiting for her to take off her shoes in the entryway. "You're going to be staying in my room! I've made up an inflatable mattress and everything!"
Jamie shot Dani a plaintive look over her shoulder, but there was little Dani could do except grin and shrug. She closed the front door and trailed after them, Carson leading Jamie towards the stairs.
"Hold up, mate. Hold up," Jamie muttered. She tugged her arm free and Carson's face fell until she said, "Your mum will flay me alive if I tread dirt all through the carpet."
"I would do no such thing," Judy said from the kitchen.
Jamie ducked her head and gave a sheepish wave into the kitchen. "Hello, Mrs. O'Mara. Thank you for having me."
"Not a problem, honey," Judy said, sounding absent-minded as she continued stirring a large pot on the stove. "Make yourself comfortable. But — yes. Shoes off, please."
Jamie gave Carson a nudge and muttered, "Told you."
"Sorry," Carson mumbled. He waited just long enough for Jamie to toe off her boots until he seized her arm again and began the process anew. "Okay! This way!"
Sighing, Jamie let herself be dragged off up the stairs. Dani trailed slowly behind, pausing in the entryway to the kitchen and peering inside. "Do you need any help?"
Judy did not even glance up. She only turned and began arranging various ingredients on the counter to be chopped for the upcoming dinner. "No, sweetie. I'm good here. Go make sure everyone gets unpacked for me, okay?"
"Okay."
Dani didn't need much encouragement. She raced after the others and was out of breath by the time she reached the top of the stairs.
"Woah!" Tommy raised his hands when they almost crashed into one another at the top of the landing. "Don't wheeze all over me, or Eddie will think it's my fault you're dying."
Rolling her eyes, Dani slipped past him with a mumbled, "Excuse me."
Tommy trotted down the stairs without another word, already calling out for David in the garage and receiving a yell from Mike to not shout in the house — a request which was promptly ignored as David called out in return. Dani ignored them and continued along the hall leading to Carson's room. She passed Eddie's on the way. His door was ajar, but there was a piece of paper painstakingly scrawled in some alien language which probably contained secret words to keep pesky siblings out. Elvish, he'd told her numerous times to no avail. It's an Elvish riddle.
At the very end of the hall, the door leading to Carson's room — the smallest in the house — was wide open. Dani poked her head in, knocking lightly at the open door despite her blanket invitation to enter whenever she so pleased. Inside, Carson was sitting on the corner of his bed, bouncing up and down on the mattress, wholly unable to contain his excitement, while Jamie stood in the middle of the room still clutching her rucksack and looking utterly lost. True to his word, there was an inflatable camp bed carefully laid out on the floor and sheathed in a fitted sheet, complete with a pillow and duvet.
"Sorry for how small it is," Carson said, and his every second word was punctuated by a squeak of complaint from his thin mattress. "But mom said you couldn't stay in the older boys' rooms."
"S'fine," Jamie said.
Her hand was gripping the straps of her rucksack so tightly that her knuckles were white.
Dani noticed. "Hey, Carson," she said brightly. "Can you go get a towel for Jamie to use? She'll need her own for a shower while she's staying over here."
"Yeah! Sure!" Immediately Carson leapt to his feet and scampered down the hallway, his footsteps stamping down the stairs to where Dani knew the linen closet was on the ground floor.
Aiming a soft smile at Jamie, Dani nudged the door slightly shut behind her. It wasn't much, but it was enough. It shielded them from the bulk of the noise that was ubiquitous in the O'Mara house. "How are you?" she asked.
Jamie shrugged. "M'Fine. Good," she said, but her grip was firm and her accent was thick even around the various monosyllables she managed through her tightly held jaw.
"When's Nan coming back?"
Drawing a deep breath, Jamie said, "Two weeks."
"Like no time at all," said Dani. "Soon you'll be complaining that she's back and that you wish she'd stayed away."
That earned a laugh, brief and strained though it was. Jamie's eyes were darting around the room, taking inventory of the exits available to her — door, window, another window down the hall in the bathroom.
“Did she tell you why she was going back?” Dani asked in an attempt to keep Jamie’s attention on her, on the conversation, on anything but the big house that wasn’t hers.
Jamie shook her head. “Just said she needed to -” she waved her hand in a sharp dismissive gesture “- take care of things. Family stuff. I dunno.”
The total sum of what Dani knew about Jamie’s family back in England could have filled a thimble. She took a step closer and Jamie shifted her weight between her feet as though preparing to run at the slightest provocation.
"Sorry it's so loud," Dani murmured, keeping her voice low. "I know it can take a while to get used to."
Jamie blinked owlishly at her. "I don't mind loud."
"Nan's not loud."
"Maybe not when you're around. But with me? She hollers like you wouldn't believe."
Another step, careful not to tread on the corner of the duvet sprawled across the floor. "You know," said Dani slowly. "I live just across the street. Not like clear across town from your house."
"Only good part about this plan," Jamie muttered under her breath.
Dani stopped when she was only a pace away, close enough that she could reach out and gently urge the pack from Jamie's tense shoulder. "Do you wish you'd gone to England with her?" she asked.
Somewhere downstairs there was a crash, a yell, Carson calling out his apologies and being thoroughly rebuked by David. Jamie winced, but tried to hide it with a twitch of her head. Swallowing thickly, looking anywhere but at her, Jamie allowed the rucksack to be pried from her death grip and lowered to the floor.
"Not really," Jamie said. "Wish I could've stayed at your house instead, maybe. Quieter."
Dani's smile faltered. "I did ask, but -"
"- Your mum's proper mental," Jamie finished for her with a weak smile. "Yeah. I know."
Of all the empty rooms in her house, Dani couldn't think of a single one Jamie would fit into without seeming out of place. Every time Jamie stepped foot inside, the house seemed to draw its breath in dreadful anticipation. Or perhaps that was the narrowing of Karen's eyes as she followed Jamie's every movement with furrowed suspicion.
“You wouldn’t have liked it,” Dani said. “Staying with me.”
Jamie looked at her with a curious expression. “Why not? You’re there.”
Dani opened her mouth to respond, but the words got trapped halfway to her tongue. She was saved by Carson’s enthusiastic return, the sound of his running footsteps preceding him until the door burst fully open once more.
“I got two!” he said, slightly out of breath, and he held out two matching towels to Jamie. “Here you go.”
Wooden, Jamie took the towels. “Thanks.”
“Mom said dinner will be ready in about an hour,” said Carson, completely oblivious to the way Jamie stood, back too straight, shoulders too rigid. “Do you want to go mess with Eddie?”
A smile twitched on Jamie’s face, but was gone in an instant. “Tempting.”
“Hey, let’s let Jamie unpack, okay?” Dani said. Draping an arm around Carson’s shoulders, she led him from the room.
“But she doesn’t even have that much stuff!” Carson complained even as he let himself be guided away.
“I know,” Dani said, lowering her voice. “But you need to give her some space, bud.”
Carson scrunched up his nose. “Fine,” he sighed, then pushed Dani’s arm off. “I’m going to go bug Eddie myself, then.”
As he rushed off down the hall and kicked open the door to Eddie’s room, Dani bit back a laugh, hearing Eddie’s voice rise in complaint.
“Get out of here, Carson!”
“Put down your book. Nobody cares about your dumb fantasy riddles.”
“Hey! Let go! Hey!”
Dani caught a glimpse of the tussle inside Eddie’s room as she passed. Carson had grown enough over the last year that he was just about Dani’s height. Large enough that he was giving Eddie a run for his money. Shaking her head, she continued towards the stairs but paused, hand on the railing.
Down the long hallway, Jamie was framed by the doorway to Carson’s room. She was standing stock-still and shell-shocked, holding the towels as though they were a shield. As if she could feel Dani's gaze upon her, Jamie looked over and met her eye. Dani gave what she hoped was an encouraging smile, but Jamie merely blinked at her and lifted one hand in a blank-faced wave. Stifling down the urge to rejoin her in Carson’s room — close the door, shut themselves away for a bit, do something — Dani descended down the steps.
In the kitchen, Judy was chopping carrots. “Hey, sweet pea,” she said in a distracted manner when Dani wandered into the room. “How’re they going up there?”
“Fine,” Dani lied. Then after a moment she added, “I don’t think Jamie’s used to being alone.”
“Think it’s quite the opposite, actually,” Judy said under her breath. When Dani gave her an odd look, she just smiled and set down the knife. “Here.” She pushed a bag of potatoes across the counter towards Dani. “Why don’t you peel some of these for me?”
Grateful for something to do other than anxiously wring her hands together, Dani grabbed a big metal bowl and fished around in a drawer for the peeler. She carefully watched Judy move around the kitchen, mentally noting what she did and how. Every once in a while, she would be brave enough to ask about the recipe, and Judy would answer without hesitation, as if cooking a fully fledged meal was something normal and not something that one only ever experienced when away from home.
At some point Mike came into the kitchen from the garage to wash his hands in the sink. He gave his wife a quick peck on the cheek before grabbing a beer from the fridge and sitting at a barstool across the counter. Dani would instinctively check every time he sipped at his beer, even though she knew he never had more than one or two a night. He nursed his drinks in a way she never saw at home. When asked or addressed directly, he would give an occasional answer. Otherwise, he lingered there for nothing than the quiet presence of their company.
Dani was just finishing up with the bag of spuds, aiming their peels into the metal bowl, when she saw Jamie sidle into the kitchen. She was uncharacteristically furtive as she took the barstool furthest from Mike, sitting on her hands to minimise her usual fidgeting even as her leg bobbed up and down and up and down in an agitated rhythm.
“Are you thirsty?” asked Mike. “We have juice in the fridge.”
Jamie nodded brusquely. “Juice is good. Thanks.”
Without needing to be asked, Dani immediately pulled out the carton of juice from the refrigerator and poured a glass. Behind her, Judy took the peeled potatoes and gave them to Mike for cutting into quarters. He rose from his seat and took the knife handed to him without complaint.
With a smile Judy leaned forward and said, “So, I understand Ruth’s gone back to Scotland. I just love Scotland.”
Frowning and picking up her glass of juice for a sip, Jamie said, “She went to Burnley.”
Judy seemed not to have heard, for she sighed wistfully, “I remember when Mike and I went to Scotland back in ‘68. We have pictures! Mike, get the pictures.”
Dutiful to a fault, Mike set down the knife and wandered off to a bookshelf in the living room. Meanwhile, Jamie said, “Burnley, Mrs. O’Mara. As in Burnley, Lancashire. As in England.”
But Mike was walking back with a photo album in hand, and Judy was gesturing for it with grabby motions. Sitting on the barstool directly beside Jamie, she opened the album and scooted closer to Jamie. “And here we are at Ben Nevis,” Judy pointed. “Would you just look at that scenery? Gosh.”
Jamie made a wordless humming noise behind her teeth, and Dani could see her trying desperately to not fidget while Judy continued flipping through the album, pointing out various pictures and places that Jamie had probably never visited in her life. Dani rounded the counter so she could peer over the top of Jamie’s head at the pictures, resting a hand on Jamie’s shoulder as she did so. Jamie glanced back at her briefly and mouthed, ‘Save me.’ Dani grimaced and shrugged apologetically.
“The Scottish Highlands really are the most beautiful place in the world,” Judy said, running her hands along a photograph of vast hills of heath and stone beneath a cloudy sky. “I’m so amazed your grandmother used to live there. I would’ve loved to have lived there.”
“She was from the Lowlands,” Jamie pointed out dully.
“Does her family have their own tartan?” Judy asked, completely oblivious to the fact that Jamie had spoken at all.
“I don’t know, Mrs. O’Mara. She doesn’t talk about her time in Scotland much. And I’ve never been.”
“Does she still have family living there?” Then Judy gave a little gasp and warmly grasped Jamie’s wrist. “You could go visit one day!”
Beneath Dani’s hand, Jamie’s shoulder went tense. From this angle, Dani couldn’t see the expression on her face, but Jamie’s voice was tight when she said, “Excuse me. I need to use the loo.”
Scrape of the barstool against the floor — squeal of wood and tile — and Jamie stalked out of the kitchen, her shadow extending down the hallway behind her even as she had gone out of sight. Dani gazed after her, chewing at her lower lip.
“Oh, boy,” Mike said, shaking his head. He stirred a boiling pot on the stove with a long wooden spoon.
With a sigh, Judy shut the photo album. “I’ve never seen that girl so reserved.” She gave Dani a fond teasing nudge to her shoulder. “You must be rubbing off on her.”
Dani couldn’t decide if that was a good thing or not. She much preferred the Jamie full of carefree raucous energy in comparison to — whatever this version was. The Jamie she knew wasn’t scared and silent. The Jamie she knew picked fights with people twice her size. The Jamie she knew had a loud and easy laugh. The Jamie she knew was confident and comfortable in her own skin. The Jamie she knew was none of the things Dani would ever use to describe herself.
Clearing her throat, Dani made a motion towards the hallway even as she edged towards it. “I’ll just -” But neither of the adults in the room were listening much. Judy had wandered back to the stove and was engaged in murmuring conversation with her husband. Dani took the opportunity to slip away, unseen.
The hallway was dark and empty. The door leading to the garage at the far end of the corridor was shut, behind it the sounds of muted music and laughter. Overhead, Dani could hear the stamp of feet accompanied by Eddie and Carson’s bickering. She walked along the corridor, letting her hand trail against the painted wall. She paused at the door leading to the basem*nt, but a quick check inside proved that the stairwell leading further down into the ground was pitch black. Just as she was shutting the door, Dani heard a faint choked sound.
Passing by the linen closet, Dani stopped before the door to the downstairs bathroom. She tested the handle only to find it locked. Tentatively, Dani lifted her fist and knocked on the door.
Silence followed. Then the sound of a toilet flushing. A few moments later, the door opened and Jamie stood there, scowling. “I was actually going to the bathroom, you know.”
Dani lifted an eyebrow. “No, you weren’t.”
“How the hell d’you know?” Jamie asked.
Gesturing over Jamie’s shoulder towards the sink, Dani said, “You didn’t wash your hands.”
“Maybe I’m just a dirty pig, then.”
Dani shot her an exasperated look. “You’re not. You always wash your hands.”
Jamie’s voice sounded sharp when she spoke. “Anyone ever tell you that you’re -” she cut herself off.
Dani's brow furrowed in confusion. “That I’m what?”
“Nosy,” Jamie snapped.
Taken aback, Dani blinked. She stared at Jamie, whose hands were curled into fists at her sides, lips pursed so that the scar stood out white against her skin, the muscles of her jaw bunched up and straining even while she refused to meet Dani’s gaze.
“Do you -” Dani started to say, hesitant. “- want me to leave you alone?”
Jamie glowered at a spot on the floor but did not answer. Her shoulders were tense beneath the oversized flannel she wore, the top few buttons undone to reveal the coin necklace Dani had given her at Christmas two years ago. Dani turned to leave, to walk back to the kitchen and let Jamie gather up the pieces of herself in peace, but Jamie’s hand darted out, grabbing Dani’s and holding tight. Jamie still wouldn’t look at her, but her fingers trembled. Her palms were cold and damp.
“Sorry,” Jamie mumbled. “Sorry. Being stupid. It’s - It’s stupid.”
“It’s not.” said Dani. “It’s just two weeks. She’ll be back.”
Jamie nodded, the movement small and jerky, but she appeared entirely unconvinced. “Yeah,” she rasped. “Yeah. Sure. Two weeks.”
“And I’ll be here.” Dani readjusted their hands so that their fingers laced together, and she stroked her thumb across the back of Jamie’s hand. “I’ll be right here.”
The hallway around the downstairs bathroom was dark and a soft shadow was cast over Jamie’s face. Her eyes were dark, searching Dani’s face with tiny flickers of movement, as if looking for any hint of deceit. “Promise?” she breathed.
Dani smiled softly and squeezed Jamie’s hand. “Promise.”
They stood close enough that Dani could see the fine downy hair at Jamie’s temples and without thinking she reached up to brush back a stray curl that had fallen into Jamie’s eyes. Jamie inhaled sharply. There was an odd expression on her face that Dani couldn’t place. Not blank like before in Carson’s room, but just as difficult to parse.
“David! Tommy! I need you to set the table, please!” Judy’s voice called from the kitchen.
In answer, the garage door just down the hall burst open, and the twins barrelled through. Jamie and Dani both jumped apart, Jamie snatching her hand back while Dani tucked a lock of hair behind her own ear. As he jogged by, Tommy reached out to ruffle Jamie’s hair in passing. Jamie scowled and smacked his hand away. He laughed it off and continued after his brother.
“Wanker,” Jamie muttered under her breath, but already her posture was more relaxed. She no longer clenched her jaw like she wanted to snap a steel rod between her back teeth.
“Come on,” Dani laughed. “Let’s go get dinner.”
--
Trailing behind her mother in the botanical gardens, while colorful and beautiful, was not how Dani pictured spending her Saturday afternoon. What was supposed to be a day lazing around with Jamie and the boys had turned into Dani playing dress up at her mother’s whims and being dragged along to some corporate family friendly function.
It was going marginally well for the most part, she thought with relief. She smiled at the right moments, shook hands with her mother’s colleagues with a firm grip the way Nan taught her, she kept fidgeting to a minimum, and above all, she was quiet. Unsure of what to say and when to speak, but eager to make a polite unassuming impression in the belief that afterwards she could go to the O’Mara household and be free of this. She merely lingered behind her mother, her shoulders stiff and her placid smile frozen, as though she were a marionette doll made of porcelain.
Part way through the event, as her mother grew more distracted, laughing with her colleagues, drink in hand, Dani began to wander off. The temptation to stroll the paths lined with greenery and flowers pulled her away until she was far enough to settle into herself, to relax, to take in the beauty of the place as the sun shone overhead and warmed her skin.
She should bring Jamie here, she thought idly to herself. And though Jamie would hotly deny it, Dani knew of her soft spot for plants, her hidden talent for it, having spent much of the summer helping Nan tend to the backyard garden. She’d enjoy the spectacle and quiet, while murmuring criticisms in the same breath.
Further along the path, passing by a plot of vibrant flowers she didn’t recognize, her eyes met Roger’s. He was standing beside his dad who was talking animatedly to a group of coworkers. She had noticed him earlier but kept away, even if he was the only other kid she vaguely knew in attendance. She’d barely spoken two words to him in years, not since that day in the alleyway at school. She couldn’t imagine what she’d say to him now. He was tall and lanky after an unexpected growth spurt last spring. He saw her and raised his hand in a fleeting wave. She offered a faint grin back and a short wave. At the sound of his dad laughing obnoxiously loud, they both grimaced at the same time and turned away.
Dani groaned quietly, wishing Jamie was here to keep her company with her commentary, and hidden knowledge of every single plant and flower that caught Dani’s eye, her tone dry as though she were just making it up and hadn’t spent the past month with her nose stuck in a well worn gardening book.
Eventually, Dani’s path led her straight back to her mom, laughing and seemingly having a good time, but when their eyes met, Dani almost jerked to a stop. Her mother’s expression was hard and her smile tight at the corners. Immediately, a cold sweat spread across Dani’s skin and her stomach clenched. Her mom jerked her head, beckoning Dani over. All but holding her breath, Dani made her way over. When Dani reached her, Karen slipped a hand around her arm, fingers pressing hard and pulling her in close before turning back to her coworker to laugh at a comment, as though nothing was amiss, as if Dani’s heart weren’t suddenly racing and her shoulders weren’t bunching up incrementally.
Dani spent the rest of the event there, racking her brain over what she had missed over the day, of what she could have done wrong to have received such a look, but there were no clues. No other hints that had been somehow misstepped. Just a carry over from a bad week, where Dani had spent as much time as possible away. Away from a house that was a digestive tract. Away from her mom doing the dishes or making drinks with rough, jerky movements, like the objects in hand had offended her. Away from the chain smoking and lingering side eyes as though Dani was one step from being on the receiving end of a sharp-tongued lecture if something was misplaced or misspoken.
By the time the event was over and they were back in the car, the cabin silent from radio or conversation, Dani could feel the tension seeping from her mother in waves. Her hands tight on the wheel and her mouth pursed, not a word uttered about the day. Clenching her teeth until they hurt, Dani rolled down the window just to feel the breeze against her face, soothing against her skin and loose hair, but not enough to relax her fists in her lap and the cramped coil in her stomach, twisting tight like a spring the closer they got to home.
The moment they arrived Dani wasted no time slipping out of the car and into the house with her own keys, hearing her mom following close behind. Pulling off her flats to neatly set aside and starting towards the staircase, Dani had only just managed to dart towards the stairs when her mother finally spoke.
“Danielle, I’d like a word with you, please,” Karen said, stepping into the kitchen without a backwards glance, adding a stern, “Now.”
Holding her fists tight to her sides, Dani swallowed heavily, slowly following her mom’s path into the kitchen to find her peering into the fridge and pulling out a bottle of already opened wine.
“Yes?” Dani said quietly.
Karen didn’t speak. Simply poured herself a glass of wine before pulling out a rumpled pack of cigarettes from her purse. She lit one up with slow, almost leisurely movements that seemed so wrong in contrast with the tightness around her eyes. Flick and snap of a silver lighter, rhythmic as clockwork. Taking her first drag, she looked at Dani, smoke billowing from pursed lips as she sighed and lifted the cigarette once more.
“What am I going to do with you?” Karen said finally, her voice accompanied by a plume of smoke that wreathed her face.
Dani clenched her teeth. Swallowing down words that would make whatever she had done worse, Dani instead said, “What - what did I do?”
“You really have no idea, don’t you?”
Dani's eyes darted away to the ground, going over the last few hours as though her socks might have the answer. “No,” she said, “I - Well, I thought we were having a nice day.”
Her mother scoffed. The sound was so derisive, Dani wanted to stumble barefoot out of the house and into the one across the street where she knew Jamie and the boys would be. Holed up and waiting for her to come back and greet her with bright smiles.
“A nice day?” Karen repeated, her tone incredulous. Dani’s eyes darted up, blinking in confusion. “Danielle, you barely spoke to anyone. You wandered off by yourself. You looked as miserable as ever -”
“I wasn’t,” Dani said, her breathing turning shallow, “I was - I was -”
“Don’t interrupt me.”
Dani’s mouth snapped shut. Her mother exhaled, taking another long drag of her cigarette. Dani held her breath from the suffocating smell and smoke until it dissipated. She pulled her arms tight around her chest, watching her mom rub her forehead.
“I just don’t understand you,” Karen said, strained at the edges, frustration filing the lines of her face, “Why can’t you do anything right? What's wrong with you?”
Dani felt her face flicker with a flinch, and she had to duck her head to hide it. Hide the tremble of her mouth and the burning in her eyes. She bit into her lip to quell the feeling and swallowed hard past the lump in her throat until she was finally able to speak in the unbearably quiet room.
“I’m sorry,” she murmured, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to - I didn't -”
Karen didn’t respond. The room remained suffocatingly silent, though Dani could feel the sting of her eyes, a long, unyielding stare. And then, there was the sound of glass sliding against the marble countertop, her mother picking up her wine. She stepped closer to Dani, no sound from her stockinged feet, until she stood just before her. Dani hunched her shoulders, wanting to back away, but there wasn’t anything behind her to shrink and meld into.
“You aren’t to go anywhere for the rest of this weekend, do you understand?” Karen said. “You are to sit in this house, and do your chores, and think about your behavior.”
Dani stared hard down at the wine glass that dangled loosely in her mom’s grip, wine threatening to spill over the lip. The ashes that scattered to the linoleum floor from her cigarette near Dani’s foot. She clenched her teeth silently before eventually nodding.
Without another word, her mother strode past her. Dani listened carefully to her footsteps as she stood frozen in the kitchen, hearing the soft thud of feet on stairs, traveling through the floor across the ceiling, and eventually, the click of a bedroom door being shut. Dani stood, alone, listening to the sound of her rapid heartbeat. She swallowed down the spark of belligerence in her chest, drowned out by the trembling of her hands and the stutter of her breathing. All hope of escape to the home across the street slowly drained from her. With befuddled disbelief. With weary acceptance. As though this was the only inevitable outcome at the end of a bad week like all the other bad weeks.
Throat tight, heart a clenched fist in her lungs, like moving through a dream — one moment here, one moment there — Dani made her way upstairs. Time passed in snippets. Changing from her sundress into pajamas. Washing the misery from her face in the form of swollen red eyes and splotchy skin with water cold enough to hurt. Curling into bed and sinking into the comforters, her head aching and exhaustion seeping into her bones despite the afternoon sunlight and muted birdsong still slanting through the window.
Her eyes drifted towards her nightstand, towards the walkie talkie Eddie had given her after the novelty had worn off for Carson, but Dani immediately shot the idea down. The walkie talkie was too loud, too exposed, and the house was too silent and too still. She hadn’t heard a noise from her mother since the kitchen, not even when she had crept upstairs to her room.
She sat up in bed, daring to cross her room and hover her hand over the door handle. Just as quietly as she’d been before, Dani opened her door and peered around the corner of the doorframe to see her mom’s bedroom door still firmly shut. Assured with the minor hope that her mom may have fallen into a midday nap, Dani eased out of her room and downstairs, careful to avoid creaking steps and floorboards.
The kitchen phone, which had once been a creamy off-white, was now a sickly yellow, stained by decades of cigarette smoke. The coiled cord was long enough to reach across the room, and further when Dani pulled the entire phone off the wall with its long translucent and stained cable. Phone in hand, she slipped inside the broom closet in the hallway just outside the kitchen. Leaving the door open a crack to let in just enough light to see, a long strip of golden light that outlined the dust floating in the darkened room, she sank against the back wall with her knees pulled up to her chest and dialed the number she had long since memorized.
It rang just twice before Mike picked up. “Hello, O’Mara residence.”
“Hi, Mr. O’Mara,” Dani said, her voice slightly hoarse. She held her hand against the mouthpiece and cleared her throat before speaking again. “It’s me.”
“Oh, hey bud,” Mike replied, “How was your day?”
“It was really nice,” she lied, “Is Jamie there?”
In the time it took for him to call for Jamie and the crackling sound indicating the handset switching between hands, Dani had sunk further into the wall, pressing her eyes shut.
“Took you bloody long enough,” came Jamie’s voice finally, “You free to come down from your tower yet? I’m going absolutely mad. Tommy and David won’t give it a f*cking break, and you’re not gonna believe what Carson dared me to do.”
"Language please, Jamie," Dani could hear Mike sigh in the background, his voice fading as he walked away and left them to it.
"Sorry, Mr. O'Mara," said Jamie, not sounding sorry at all.
Dani chuckled breathlessly, a pressure easing somewhat in her chest. “Hey, um,” she started, her voice quiet, “I’m not sure actually.”
“What d’you mean?” Jamie said. There was a ruffling sound in the background, as though Jamie were settling into her spot and making herself comfortable.
“I mean — “ Dani’s voice cracked. She swallowed hard. “I think I’m - no, I’m - I’m actually grounded.”
Jamie groaned. “Christ, what’s she going on about now? Did you have a strand of hair out of place or something?”
“Something like that,” Dani murmured, the sound of her voice sounding off even to her own ears, a tremble under the words.
The line was quiet for a long moment. “Dani,” Jamie said, her voice taking on a quiet and serious quality. “What happened?”
Dani didn’t respond. Not when she was fighting back the thickness in her throat, feeling her skin pull tight around her knuckles from the grip she had on the handset and biting down hard at her lower lip. When Dani remained silent, there was sound again from the other line, crackling pops and the movement of fabric until there was the soft click of a door being shut.
“Poppins, talk to me,” Jamie said softly.
Once, the nickname had been a joke years ago in the expanse of snow as far as the eye could see, one that Jamie had gleefully revelled in when they returned to school with her endless teasing about Miss Blythe. But then it had stuck, slowly developing into an affectionate term that Dani privately savored underneath her good natured grumbling. Now, Dani had to swallow down a swell of tears at the sound of it.
“It’s just - um. You know. Mom.”
Jamie snorted. “Gathered as much,” she said, “What’d she do?”
“Nothing. Nothing, I’m just — “ Dani pressed the ball of her palm hard to an eye, rubbing away the burning there “ — I’m just really tired.”
“Aye, and I’m Queen Liz,” Jamie said, and her voice went soft again, “Tell me, really. You don’t get this worked up over nothing. I mean, unless you’re the one that’s actually gone mad.”
Dani chuckled again, but her grin slipped away just as easily. “I’m just tired,” she repeated, leaning her head back against the wall, “I’m tired of trying and not being good enough.”
“You are,” Jamie said with conviction Dani wished she could feel a fraction of, “You’re a better sight than any of us, that’s for bloody sure.”
“But, she’s — “ Dani swallowed hard against the ache threatening to burst from her chest, “This entire week, she’s just been — “
“A c*nt?” Jamie offered.
“Mean,” Dani said, “She’s been mean, and I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I feel like I can’t breathe sometimes. Like if I do it in the wrong way, she’ll — “ She cut herself off.
For all her absences and sharp words, her mother has never laid a hand on Dani. But the feeling of her mom’s hands pressing hard into her skin still burned into her memory with a lance of fear she was wholly unfamiliar with.
Jamie was quiet for a long moment before softly offering, “Do you need me to come over? I can have a go at her, if you’d like?”
“No. Please, don’t.”
“I don’t mind.”
“It’s fine, it’ll - it’ll blow over,” Dani said, “It’s fine. She’s just in a mood.”
The closet door swung open. Dani gasped, nearly jerking out of her skin as she jumped hard, her foot kicking over a broom. She scrambled to keep the phone in hand even as she tangled herself up in the chord to grab the broom and keep it upright. She blinked rapidly up at the sudden bright light cascading into the small room, only to see a shadowed form looming over her. Her eyes adjusted to the light until finally she could see her mom, standing in the doorway, glowering darkly down, the lines of her face deep and shadowed.
“Dani?” Jamie’s said, startled. “Dani, are you okay?”
She couldn’t respond, couldn't speak. Words trapped in her throat. Her hands began to tremble, and she had to look away from her mom’s unblinking gaze, eyes darting towards some spot just behind her, her vision going out of focus as her breath became shallow.
“Dani,” Jamie said again, slowly, knowing. “Is she there?”
Clenching her teeth painfully tight, Dani could only hum affirmatively in response, her head nodding faintly.
“Okay,” Jamie breathed, and then there was the sound of movement again. “Okay, give me ten minutes - f*ck! sh*t! Ed, move your sh*t off the floor! Useless f*cking -!”
The dial tone cut off Jamie's steady stream of swearing. Heart hammering in her chest, Dani slowly lowered the receiver and replaced it back into the base, the sound of plastic clacking against plastic loud in her ears along with the shallow breaths she took through her nose.
Dani flinched when her mom finally spoke. “Why were you on the phone?" Karen asked, her voice calm.
Any other day, it’d be a simple question and answer. Any other day, Dani would’ve happily replied. Today, Dani couldn’t respond. There were no good options. No matter what she did, answer correctly or remain quiet, she was guilty either way.
“Was it Judy?” Karen said, folding her arms across her chest, leaning against the doorframe. Dani shrunk further against the wall, her hands clutching the phone in a white knuckle grip. “Or was it that Heron woman? Or that wild girl of hers? Jamie.”
Dani remained quiet, vision blurring as tears pooled into her eyes. The ensuing silence was agony until finally, Karen relented with a huff and held out her hand. Without missing a beat, Dani pushed the phone into her mother’s hands.
"Well?" Karen asked. She held open the door and gestured with the phone as if encouraging a dog to make up its mind at the threshold of the backyard. "Are you coming out of there or not?"
It felt like some sort of trap. As though the moment Dani tried to leave, a foot or wire would be waiting to trip her. She sank further back, shaking her head and clutching the base of the broom like a lifeline.
"Suit yourself," Karen sighed, and without another word she swung the door shut once more, leaving Dani trembling in the dark.
Dani jerked hard at the sound, feeling as though the walls could collapse atop her like a house of cards. For a terrifying moment, Dani struggled to breathe at the idea that her mother might bar the door and lock her inside, but all she heard was her own shallow panicked breaths and footsteps stomping away, until eventually there was the unmistakable sound of the front door opening and closing.
Dani curled onto herself, her hands trembling hard against the skin over her legs where she held on tight. Blood rushed through her ears as a slow ember grew in her chest, spreading through her lungs like strangling vines, like mistletoe around the roots of a tree. She pressed a hand hard to her sternum, her fingers digging into her skin through her shirt as though she could rip out the sensation, feeling her heart pounding through skin and bone. Unable to stand the dark anymore, the walls that pressed in closer and closer until she couldn’t suck in enough air to breathe, she stumbled to her feet and pushed her way out, tripping over her own legs to collapse against the opposite wall. She pulled her knees up to her chest, her eyes pressed tightly shut, and sucked in the fresh open air, gasping for breath that hurt with every expansion of her lungs.
Dani didn’t know how long she sat there, desperately settling her breathing, swallowing down the panic. Slowly the world lengthened out again from the single point of struggling for air. She exhaled, the pain dissipating from her lungs. She rested her head back against the wall, eyes opening to the lines of early evening light streaking across the ceiling, lethargically wiping at her cheeks. She pushed to her feet, and moved towards the bathroom for the second time today to wash her face. Brisk sting of water against her heated skin, grounding even as it hurt. After drying her face, she stepped out towards the foyer of the house, the floor cold beneath her feet.
There was an eerie silence now that her mother was gone. It should’ve been a comfort, being away from the sting of aimless anger and disappointment. When she glanced around however, she was eight years old again, and left to fend for herself in an empty, expansive house that felt like a creature that could swallow her whole. Like she could step into a room and find a door leading her to another room. And another and another. The house expanding and collapsing like a cage of ribs with every step she took until she could no longer find the exit.
Upstairs — a muffled thump coming from the second floor. Dani jerked, blinking up at the ceiling. Another thump, louder this time. Swallowing hard, Dani reached towards a stand near the door, pulling out a long, thin black umbrella with a pointy end, and started towards the stairs.
She walked slowly, ears pricked. Flinching at another loud thump, evidently coming from her own room, her frown deepened as she edged towards it, holding up the umbrella in front of her, as though wielding a sword. But when she slowly pushed open her door with her fingertips, her head peeking around the door as it swung open, she lowered the umbrella when she found the room empty, just as she had left it.
Dani stepped further inside, her frown slipping away to a dim sense of concern.
Another loud thump. Dani jumped and spun towards the sound. Her eyes went wide when her gaze landed on her window.
“Jamie!” she hissed, dropping the umbrella to the carpet with a soft thud, and rushed towards the window.
“f*ckin’ finally,” Jamie grunted from where she hung, fingers white as they gripped the window ledge between the small gap where Dani had her window open. Half her body clung to the meager amount of roof just below Dani’s window, her rucksack dangling from her shoulder as her brows furrowed and jaws clenched in concentration, her face red from effort.
Dani ripped the window open with a thud and grabbed at Jamie’s arms to pull her in, grumbling and grunting the entire time. “Are you insane?” Dani said when Jamie was safe enough to pull herself the rest of the way inside Dani’s room.
“Not since I last checked,” Jamie said, breathing hard as she tumbled inside, gripping her rucksack with white knuckles and her eyes wide with a sort of frantic wildness, like she couldn’t believe she’d just scaled the sheer side of a house. Her hair was a tousled mess, frizzy strands dangling in front of her eyes. Dani tisked and reached forward to push them off Jamie’s face with a scowl. Grinning wildly, Jamie dropped her rucksack to the carpet and twisted around to lean towards the window, stretching and shaking out her hands as she craned her head to peer outside with a whistle, “Christ, that took some work.”
Dani pushed past her to lean outside the window, eyes darting around with increasing disbelief. “How did you even get up here?”
“Climbed?”
Dani spun around to give her a look.
Jamie shrugged, wearing an impish grin. “Started with the tree, hopped over to the roof, and shimmied over. Easy as you please,” Jamie said, peeling her shoes off and shoving them under Dani’s bed. “Would’ve tried for that branch right by the window, but the bloody thing was too far to reach.”
Turning again to glance out the window to trace the path Jamie took, Dani felt her stomach plummet and her face blanch at the terrifying distance Jamie would’ve had to cross between the tree and the meager roof. It might as well have been the Grand Canyon. “You could’ve broken your neck!”
“I’m alive, aren’t I?” Jamie said, “How else was I supposed to sneak in?”
Dani huffed, crossing her arms. “You could’ve used the front door like a normal person.”
The look Jamie gave her was both amused and dubious. “Oh, sure, and your mum would’ve just let me inside with you grounded and all,” Jamie said, and gestured towards Dani, “And what about you? You know how long I’ve been hanging on out there, banging on the window?”
“That’s what you call sneaking in? She would’ve heard you anyways if she was home.”
Jamie paused. “Wait, she isn’t home?”
“No, doofus,” Dani said, “She left a little while ago.”
Jamie rolled her eyes to the heavens. “Well, how the f*ck was I supposed to know that? I was busy dangling from your roof, thank you very much,” Jamie said, and then she was grinning again, her hands tucked into her back pockets, looking far too pleased with herself. “Hey, least I know I can do it now. Next stop: water tower, yeah?”
Dani glowered at her. “No.”
Huffing softly with laughter, Jamie arched an eyebrow and gave her a fond look. It hit Dani like a ton of bricks when the realization struck her, her face slowly falling.
“God,” she groaned, burying her face into her hands, panic settling in, “ sh*t . I sound just like her.”
Laughing softly again, Jamie said, “Nah. I reckon you sound just like yourself.”
But Dani couldn’t respond, the image of mother’s glower and the painful grip of her hand pressed hard on her chest. The sound of the closet slamming shut and the ensuing darkness prickling at her skin until her fingers were shaking again as they dug hard into her face.
“Dani?” Jamie said softly.
Hearing her take a careful step closer, Dani curled into her shoulders. “I’m fine,” she mumbled, her throat thick.
Warm fingers grazed the skin of Dani’s wrists, so light that it almost tickled. “Dani,” Jamie said again, slightly firmer this time, more steady. “It’s okay. You’re okay.” Dani sucked in a ragged breath and nodded blindly, feeling herself lean forwards. Jamie’s fingers wrapped around Dani’s wrists into a firm, grounding grip. “It’s okay, c’mere.”
There was a gentle tug on her arm, and Dani went easily, sinking into Jamie, burying her face into her shoulder and wrapping her arms around her waist. Jamie pulled her in close, murmuring, “I’ve got you.”
Tears sprung in Dani’s eyes again, sinking further into Jamie. If Jamie noticed her shoulders shaking from the soft hitching gasps Dani was desperately trying to keep quiet, she never said a word. Just held her tight enough until it hurt, the pressure grounding in such a way that slowly, Dani’s tears ebbed away, leaving her breathing heavy, but steadier as the seconds ticked by.
Jamie’s hand rubbed her back in a soothing motion, the pressure of her arms gradually easing. “Better now?” Jamie asked, quiet and gentle.
Swallowing hard, Dani inhaled deeply, breathing in the soft familiar scent of soap the O’Mara’s favored and the faint hint of earth on her worn shirt. Dani nodded, a short up and down jerk of her head, and pulled her face away just enough from Jamie’s shoulder to murmur, “You always give the best hugs.”
Jamie chuckled. “S’what I’m here for,” she said with another brief hard squeeze, and then gently offered, “You wanna talk about it?”
Dani shook her head.
“No problem.”
With Jamie seemingly happy to remain where she was, Dani held on for just a moment longer, savoring the comfort from her best friend, until Jamie said, “Now, don’t take this the wrong way, Poppins, but you weren’t planning on knocking me out cold with an umbrella, right?”
Dani laughed, a pressure valve releasing from her chest, feeling like she could breathe properly again. Jamie chuckled, and murmured, “There we are.”
“I thought you were a burglar or something.”
“A burglar? In North Liberty? Jesus, that’s considered grounds for a life sentence here, inn’it?”
Dani giggled breathlessly. “Something like that,” she murmured. They fell silent again, Jamie’s arms warm and steady around her like an anchor, until finally, Dani broke and said, “Sorry.”
“Don’t,” Jamie said, her voice firm. “Look, I know I’m a twat on the best of days, but you don’t ever have to apologize for something like that, all right?” When Dani didn’t respond, Jamie flicked her on the back of the head. “All right?”
Dani huffed and pinched her side in retaliation, pleased when Jamie twitched. “All right,” she said, finally easing away, her head ducked as she hastily rubbed her cheeks and under her eyes.
“Good,” Jamie said, and when Dani stepped away towards the umbrella, still not looking straight at Jamie, she added, “Sure you’re steady enough to handle that? Haven’t you heard umbrella’s are considered a deadly weapon?”
Dani picked up the aforementioned umbrella and brandished it towards Jamie as though to spear her through the stomach. “Don’t make me use this.”
Holding up her hands in a gesture of peace, Jamie chuckled and smirked, “Don’t threaten me with a good time.”
Rolling her eyes, Dani left her in the room to stumble back downstairs and replace the umbrella in its stand. She stood there and exhaled heavily, pressing her hands again to her eyes to steady herself. When it finally felt like she wasn’t about to collapse into pieces, she made towards the kitchen and went about setting up the kettle on the stove to heat. Taking out the mugs that she and Jamie favored — one patterned with stars, the other with florals — she also reached further back in the cupboard to pull out a hidden old altoid tin that was packed with a ziplock of teabags. A treasure trove she had once scoured from Jamie’s house for times like these when she was over.
Leaning against the counter as she waited for the kettle to boil, her eyes landed on the kitchen phone that lay discarded haphazardly on the counter top. It laid on its side with the handset having fallen off the base, and the translucent cable unplugged and tossed to the floor. Her hand drifted towards her mouth, eyes unseeing as she bit her thumb hard enough to hurt.
The kettle whistled. She jumped, jerking her thumb away from her mouth at the shrill sound, and she rushed to pull the kettle off the stove and turn the burner off with a rough twist of her wrist. She exhaled heavily, steadying her racing heart, and began putting together their tea.
When she arrived back to her room, mugs of tea in hand, she smiled fondly at the sight that greeted her. Jamie had made herself at home, stretching out on her bed with one leg crossed over the other and an arm resting behind her head as she held up Eddie’s walkie talkie to her mouth, making grotesque noises.
“Edmund,” she drawled in a guttural voice, “I’m coming for you, Edmund. I’m gonna eat your eyeballs.”
Dani snorted. “Just because it worked once, doesn’t mean it will again.”
Rolling her eyes, Jamie rested the walkie talkie against her chest. “Worth a shot,” she sighed, and then her eyes brightened when she caught sight of the mugs in Dani’s hand. She sat up, discarding the walkie talkie beside her and made a grabbing motion towards the floral patterned cup, “Oh, you’re a star.”
Easing onto the bed next to Jamie, she handed the mug over and watched eagerly as Jamie’s mouth curled into a pleased grin, her hand fearlessly wrapping the burning hot mug with practised ease. But at the first sip, she froze, going stock still as her brow knitted together.
“Well?” Dani asked.
Lowering the mug from her mouth, Jamie frowned contemplatively down at the steaming beverage with pursed lips, faintly nodding. “It’s a talent you have,” she said, “Truly.”
Dani groaned, easing back against her pillows, raising her own mug — a smattering of silver stars against a dark blue backdrop — to her mouth, taking a careful sip of her own. “Tastes fine to me,” she muttered.
Laughing, Jamie nudged her leg with her knee. “Appreciate the effort though,” she said, “Didn’t even need to ask for any. And it’s the kind from home, too. Nan know you nicked some from her precious stash?”
“Maybe,” Dani mumbled into her mug, but her eyes darted to Jamie all the same at the mention of Nan, looking for any lingering tension of any kind in Jamie’s demeanor. All she found was a reserved quiet as Jamie sipped again at her tea without any complaint, though she wasn’t able to hide her mouth twisting in distaste as she rested her mug on the nightstand.
“I brought some stuff to keep us company,” Jamie said, grabbing her bag from off the floor and hauling it on her lap, digging her arm inside, “Unless you wanna go downstairs and watch something.”
“No,” Dani said immediately, shaking her head, “She could come home any second.”
“You sure? I’m sneakier than a cat,” Jamie said, “There’s plenty of places to hide, besides. She’d never know I’m here.”
Dani shook her head resolutely. “No, I want to stay up here with you.”
Smiling fondly, Jamie relented with a soft, “All right, then.”
She pulled out her transistor radio and switched it on, the sound of electric guitars and drums filing the room. Twisting a knob on top, the rough alternate music that Jamie loved cut off to a jumbled flickering of noise as Jamie sped through stations until landing on one they both enjoyed. It was only by staring at Jamie’s hands did Dani finally notice the inexplicable blue paint on her nails.
“There we are,” Jamie said to the sound of soft rock music, and set the radio on the nightstand next to her tea.
When Jamie settled back against the pillows, Dani grabbed her hand, inspecting the color. “Is this nailpolish?” she asked, incredulous.
Jamie sighed exasperatedly. “Told you. Carson’s f*ckin’ fault,” Jamie grumbled, allowing Dani to inspect her nails with fascination, “Bet him he was too scared to paint his nails with Judy’s nailpolish and the cheeky bastard dared me to do it also if he followed through.”
“So —?”
“So, he’s rocking hot pink nails for the foreseeable future.”
Dani laughed, resting her head against Jamie’s shoulder. “I’d kill for a photo of that.”
“I’ll get it for you when I head back,” Jamie said, her mouth twisting into a mischievous smirk, “Blackmail has never sounded so good.”
Huffing with a soft laugh, Dani smacked Jamie’s arm. “You’re a menace.”
Humming softly, her smirk twisting into outright devilish territory, Jamie reached into her bag again and pulled out two books. “Also brought these with me,” she said in a suspiciously light tone. “Thought you might enjoy an evening of fancy entertainment.”
Narrowing her eyes, Dani reached with her free hand to inspect the books, and when she caught a peak of a familiar provocative cover, she yanked her hand back as if it had been scalded, jerking her head from Jamie’s shoulder. “Jamie!” she hissed, shuffling away and resting her mug on the nightstand on the other side of her bed as Jamie laughed loudly, “Why do you still have that?”
“‘Cause I haven’t finished it?” Jamie said, her voice turning up at the end as though she were answering a dumb question. The smile she wore and the glint in her eyes said she was taking great delight in the way Dani’s cheeks heated up. “You saying you aren’t interested? Brought it just for you.”
Dani scowled. “No, I am not interested,” she said, and warily eyed the way Jamie tossed the other, thicker tome on the bed to rapidly flip through the book, the yellowed pages fragile and flimsy in Jamie’s hands.
The book in question was one of those dirty dime paperbacks hidden at the top shelves of gas stations, the cover an artist's depiction of a blonde woman scantily clad in a dark dress on a bed. It was ancient and peeling in places along the edges, and above all, it belonged to David. Just a week before Nan had set off to England, Jamie had proudly and wickedly showed off her prize in her room to Dani, claiming to have found it peeking out from between the mattresses of David’s bed a few days prior. Dani had nearly ran from the room just from the sheer embarrassment of being in the mere presence of it, her face scalding red.
“How has David not killed you yet?”
“Still doesn’t know who nicked it,” Jamie said, and snickered, “Absolutely losing the plot, too. Keeps looking at Judy and Mike like they’ll strike him down any second.”
“Like I said: a menace.”
Jamie winked and smirked, “You love it.” And without warning, just as Dani was fondly shaking her head, Jamie opened the small paperback, muttered, “Now, where was I,” and began to read outloud.
“Jamie,” she groaned, feeling her face burn at the explicit content Jamie was gleefully reciting.
“Oh, hold on. This bit is good,” Jamie said in between breaths of laughter, “She was ready for him, her lips red and wet, her tongue a thing of raging desire —”
Dani smothered Jamie’s mouth with her hand. “Oh, my god, please stop.”
Laughing against her palm, Jamie pushed her hand away. “He almost died in the wonder of her kiss, of her surging body, and as he thru — sh*t, wait. Gross. Hold on, here’s a better part —”
“Oh, my god.” Dani rose to her knees, grabbed the pillow from behind her, and pushed it into Jamie’s face. “Shut up .”
Jamie laughed wildly as Dani pushed her down on the bed, smothering her face just enough to make her stop. Dani held one hand down on the pillow as the other stretched for the book. At the graze of their hands, Dani dangerously close to ripping the book from Jamie’s grasp, Jamie yanked the book away from Dani’s reach. The bed shook as Jamie flailed her legs, squirming away, a foot threatening to push Dani off by her stomach. Laughing just as hard as Jamie, her sides twisting into a cramp, Dani pushed Jamie’s legs out of the way to straddle her hips and gain the advantage.
Jamie froze, her laughter cut off as she sucked in a muffled breath.
“Are you done?” Dani said between fits of giggling, her grip firm on the pillow over Jamie’s face.
Jamie was barely breathing, her ribs beneath her t-shirt expanding and shrinking with shallow movement. A spark of concern abruptly lit in Dani’s chest. She ripped the pillow from Jamie’s face, fearing that she’d maybe smothered her, but she was greeted with Jamie blinking up at her with wide eyes. Her face was flushed, her hair a tangled mess across the pillow beneath her, the coin necklace twisted around her neck.
“Did I almost just kill you?” Dani said, just short of panicking as she leaned closer to get a better look.
Her throat bobbing, Jamie’s eyes flashed across over her so fast, she could’ve imagined it. “I’m breathing, aren’t I?” Jamie said, chuckling breathlessly.
“Hardly,” Dani said dryly, sitting upright and folding her arms. “Now, are you done?”
Jamie smirked. “Maybe.”
Dani gave her a look and held out a hand. “Give me the book.”
Jamie rolled her eyes with a sigh so long-suffering that Dani snickered. “Yes ma’am,” Jamie drawled with another smirk, and moved as if to finally hand the book to her, but her hand froze midair with a considering frown that bordered on insolence. “But are you sure, though? Was just getting to my favorite part. Something about grabbing a pair of firm, creamy bre — “
“Ugh,” Dani groaned, ripping the book from Jamie’s grasp to toss across the room with a thud and pressed the pillow back to Jamie’s laughing face.
Pushing up and away from Jamie and the bed, Dani marched to her bookcase and pulled out a random book from a shelf. “Here,” she said, flinging it onto Jamie’s stomach without even looking to see what it was, her cheeks still burning, “An actual real book you can read.”
Jamie at this point had pulled the pillow from her face and sat up, dishevelled and fondly amused as she picked up the book to look it over. She snorted. “Mrs. Dalloway? Really?” she said, arching an eyebrow at Dani. When Dani gave her another biting look, Jamie aimed a wry grin at her as she tossed the book aside to grab the other paperback she had brought, waggling it in Dani’s direction, “I brought a backup, don’t you worry.”
Scowling, Dani dropped heavily back onto the bed without a glance in Jamie’s direction, swiped up Mrs Dalloway from the sheets and promptly buried her nose in its pages. “Your tea is probably cold now,” she muttered, ignoring Jamie’s soft snickers, her skin refusing to cool down.
“And that’s a bad thing?”
Dani elbowed her hard in the ribs, smirking when Jamie grunted at the impact.
They finally settled after that, sinking into the bedding and pillows next to each other, lost in the world of their individual books. Music played softly to keep them company. Knees and feet occasionally knocking together, shoulders pressed up against each other. Her eyes became heavier as she read, the words blurring in and out of darkness as she sunk further into the mattress, easing her head on Jamie’s shoulder. While she couldn’t see her expression from this angle, she could picture Jamie’s eyebrows faintly furrowed in concentration, turning a page every so often, quietly engrossed in her book that Dani’s seen her cart around before: Valley of the Dolls.
“Is yours any good?” Dani asked.
Jamie’s shoulder shrugged under her head. “Suppose so. Unless you find reading about a couple of Hollywood actresses ruining their lives any kind of fun.”
Dani frowned. “Where did you even get it?”
“Came with the house. Found it in a box in the basem*nt,” Jamie said, “It’s a bit barmy to be honest.”
Humming contemplatively, Dani glanced over the words on the page Jamie had open, finding what she saw nonsensical out of context. “Not the first time I’ve seen you read it though.” Jamie chuckled softly, but didn’t respond. “Can I read it when you're done?”
“Not really your kinda book I think,” Jamie said, a finger tapping on the edge of the pages.
Dani rolled her eyes. “Don’t make me smother you again.”
“Fine. You can have it now if you’d like?”
“It’s okay. You can finish first.”
“As you wish,” Jamie said softly.
They fell quiet again. Dani found that she couldn’t concentrate on the words before her, not with Jamie breathing softly beside her, or her curtains ruffling as the warm summer breeze wafted through her open window, or the music that played like white noise in the background. Her head drooped heavier onto Jamie’s shoulder until she finally let her eyes slip shut.
The next time her eyes fluttered open, the room was darker than she last remembered, the evening sun casting sharp streaks of light across her room. She was curled up on her side, facing the wall but she could still feel the warm length of Jamie next to her. Her eyes landed on the jar on her desk labelled ‘Travel Fund’ , and blinked drowsily at the dollar bill she hadn’t seen earlier that day stuffed inside.
Slowly, her head feeling heavy and sluggish still, she turned around and gazed up at Jamie. Expression set with concentration that seemed more like a scowl than anything, Jamie held up the half dollar coin attached to her necklace, rubbing it between the pads of her fingers while the other hand now held open Mrs. Dalloway. She already seemed to be at least twenty pages in and visibly struggling with the prose, but determined to continue. Then Jamie’s eyes flitted down to Dani and her expression softened.
“Welcome back to the land of the living,” Jamie said.
With a groan, Dani rubbed her dry eyes and turned on her back. “How long was I out?” she asked, her voice rough with sleep.
“Bit over two hours.”
“Why didn’t you wake me?”
Jamie shrugged, resting the book against her legs. “Reckoned you needed the sleep. Had a long day, and all.”
The smile Dani gave her was warm and affectionate, even as her stomach clenched at the reminder of the day's whirlwind of events. Jamie’s throat bobbed, and returned her gaze to the book. “Mind if I borrow this?” At the shake of Dani’s head, Jamie grinned, marking her place with a bookmark before setting the book aside. She visibly hesitated, before she said, “Your mum came home a bit ago, by the way.”
Dani’s stomach sank. “Oh.”
“Hasn’t come to check on you. I blocked the door just in case,” Jamie said with a short gesture to Dani’s bedroom door where clothes hung on a door rack and a chair that normally held clean laundry was propped against the doorknob. “Heard the tv on since she got in, and not a peep since.”
When Dani didn’t respond, didn’t move besides the clenching of her fists and stomach, Jamie calmly continued. “Ed checked in too. Wanted to see how we were doing. You know how he is; always worried. Scared of your mum too. Bit mental how you slept through that though. Thought Carson was gonna blow out the speakers with how loud he was banging on for us to sneak back over.”
Dani huffed out a laugh, and Jamie smiled down at her. “We missed dinner too,” Jamie said, “Ed said that Judy made us plates, so I ran over to grab ‘em and let her know I’ll be here for the night.”
Sucking in a sharp breath, Dani pushed herself up, eyes wide. “But - mom. She - “
“Didn’t see me,” Jamie said, and smiled reassuringly. “She was asleep.”
“Okay,” Dani breathed, nodding faintly, panic quickly receding. She exhaled slowly, grateful for Jamie’s comforting silence, their knees pressing together. “I should - um. I should check on her. See if she’s okay.”
Jamie nodded easily. “I’ll come help bring up dinner.”
Dani swallowed hard, but nodded.
They slipped their way out of Dani’s room, and padded softly downstairs. The lights in the living room were off from where Dani could see in the hall, but for the evening sun and the flickering light of the tv cascading the room. Jamie slipped away to the kitchen, while Dani continued onwards towards the smell of smoke and wine.
Her mother lay sideways on the couch facing the television, breathing deeply as she slept, still wearing her clothes from earlier today, rumbled and wrinkled. A glass with remnant drops of wine sat on the coffee table next to a bottle and an ashtray littered with crushed cigarette buds. Dani swallowed hard, an anxious pit forming in her stomach just at the sight of her, but as she edged closer, eyes searching for any lit or forgotten cigarettes, she slowed when her eyes landed on her mother’s face.
Exhaling softly, Dani moved with the muscle memory of having done this a hundred times before. Reaching for the patterned throw blanket draped across the back of the couch, unfolding it to drape it across her mom’s sleeping form, careful to tuck her in with as little contact as possible. Frowning down at her, Dani hesitantly reached her hand out and shifted a stray strand of blonde hair out of her mother’s face. Karen shifted and Dani pulled her hand away, tightening them into fists by her side, but her mother did not wake.
Doing one more scan across the floor and couch, pleased to find no cigarettes in sight, she turned the tv off and gathered the wine glass and bottle, starting towards the kitchen without a backwards glance. But as she turned, she jerked to a stop at the sight of Jamie standing frozen by the entrance, two plates of food already in hand, eyes unblinking on the sleeping form of her mom, wearing a deep frown that shadowed her features.
Swallowing down a swell shame, Dani stepped closer into Jamie’s eyeline. “Hey,” she murmured.
Jamie’s eyes caught Dani’s, blinking owlishly, her shoulders taut and the muscles of her jaw corded tight. “See you upstairs,” Jamie muttered, and disappeared up the staircase without another word.
Biting at her lip, her stomach clenching, Dani continued towards the kitchen. She washed the wine glass and set the empty wine bottle away under the sink, trying to settle the worrying pit in her stomach from Jamie’s tightened expression, having made its return since the day before at the O’Mara’s. When she was done, she gathered two glasses of orange juice and returned upstairs to her room with a deep fortifying breath.
Jamie was already wolfing down her dinner, shepherd’s pie from the looks of it, not glancing up as Dani entered and blocking the door again behind her. She set Jamie’s juice on the nightstand beside her before returning to her spot on the other side of her bed where her plate was waiting for her.
“Is it good?” Dani asked, more just to hear Jamie’s voice again rather than the quality of food that she already knew would be hearty and appetizing.
Her mouth full, Jamie nodded with a grunt, not looking at Dani.
Ducking her head, her plate in her lap, Dani pushed around the food with her fork. “Sorry,” she said, her voice trembling.
Jamie froze beside her, her knuckles white around her fork. She slowly turned her head to stare at Dani. “What for?” she asked, her voice low and flat.
“Just -” Dani made a weak gesture towards the door, towards downstairs, where her mother slept. “- That.”
“No,” Jamie choked out. “I’m -” She cut herself off, falling silent for a long moment before dropping her fork to the plate, metal clanging against ceramic, and pushed the plate away on the bed.
Dani looked up at her, seeing that same darkened expression, her teeth clenched and her brows furrowed, working her jaw as though she was desperately trying to think of something to say. Dani glanced away, back to her food.
“It’s okay - um. Let’s - let’s just finish dinner,” Dani mumbled.
She could feel Jamie’s eyes on her, piercing and unblinking. When Dani finally forked a mouthful of food into her mouth, she saw out of the corner of her eye Jamie reached forward to pull her plate back into her lap. It was painfully quiet, besides the radio still going and the scrapping of their plates. Dani found that she could barely taste anything at all as she ate. Jamie finished her meal before her — she always ate as though the food might disappear at any moment — setting her plate aside on the table before leaning back against the pillows, knees pulled up to her chest, her hands dangling over her knees, clenching and unclenching. When Dani finished, sipping at her juice before moving to stand, Jamie spoke again, her voice quiet.
“Sorry.”
Dani froze. “Why?”
Visibly swallowing hard, Jamie rolled her head against the headboard to meet Dani’s eyes. At Dani’s frown, Jamie pushed herself up, crossing her legs and taking Dani’s plate from her hands to discard on her own before shifting to fully face Dani, her expression taut but determined.
“I told you that you never had to apologize to me for things like that, for your mum, and I — “ Jamie’s voice cracked, and she scowled down at her lap in response. Slowly, Dani turned to face her, mirroring her crossed legs and patiently waited, her heart thumping steadily against her ribs. Jamie inhaled slowly and caught her gaze again, her eyes stormy and vivid.
“You don’t ever have to be ashamed of it. Of any of it. Not to me,” Jamie said, but there was an odd pinch to Jamie’s expression, a darkened hue of shame of her own as she was unable to hold Dani’s gaze any longer, eyes darting down to her lap. “I just - what I’m trying to say is that I understand. I know what it’s like, what it feels like. More than you think.”
Slowly, Dani reached out and grasped one of Jamie’s hands to pull in her lap, unfurling her clenched fist to lace their fingers together, her thumb running over Jamie’s knuckles, feeling the grooves on her skin. Jamie exhaled slowly, quietly. The muscles of her shoulders easing from their tight coils.
“Told you, you wouldn’t have liked staying here,” Dani murmured.
Jamie’s eyes flashed up to Dani’s, intense and sharp, pinning Dani to the spot. “I meant what I said,” she said, “S’long as you’re here, that’s all I need.”
Words trapped in her throat, not knowing what else to say, Dani just nodded. Her grip on Jamie’s hand tightened. She felt the ghost of the pressure return in her chest before she pulled her hand away and curled on her side upon the mattress. Jamie followed her, facing Dani with a look of faint concern.
“So, she overheard you today?” Jamie asked quietly.
After a moment, fiddling with a strand of untwined thread from her comforter, Dani shrugged. “I don’t know,” she murmured, “She didn’t really say anything. She — ” Dani’s voice caught, memories of trembling in the dark “ — she left kind of right after.”
Jamie watched her quietly, her eyes traveling over her face as if searching for something. “Y’know,” Jamie started slowly, “You’re over all the time already, but you’re always welcome to stay with us whenever you like. If you don’t want to be here or you’re sick of the lads across the street. Nan doesn’t act like it, but she likes you. She wouldn’t mind.”
“I couldn’t - I couldn’t ask you to —”
“Dani,” Jamie interrupted, her grin soft, “We wouldn’t mind. Really.”
Dani could only smile, a warmth spreading across her chest as she reached a hand forward to link their pinkies. “Okay,” she murmured.
“And,” Jamie continued, a glint forming in her eyes, “If your mum catches you on the phone again, you just tell her it’s me. I can handle it.”
“That doesn’t really seem like a good idea,” Dani said, uncertainly.
“Look,” Jamie started, “your mum and I have an understanding. We don’t like each other, and to be honest with you, I couldn’t give two sh*ts about it.”
Dani chuckled, but quickly sobered. “Keep that up, and she’ll probably never let me see you again.”
Jamie scoffed derisively and gave Dani a significant look. “As if she could keep me away.”
Sinking further into her pillow to hide her grin, Dani recalled Jamie scaling her house just a few hours ago. Without a word, Dani slid closer, rolling Jamie on her back to press her cheek against her shoulder and slip an arm around her waist. Jamie stiffened for a moment, and then sank into the sheets, an arm slowly moving to wrap around Dani’s shoulder.
“I’m glad you’re here,” Dani murmured into her flannel shirt, soft underneath her skin.
She felt Jamie’s thumb rub comforting motions against her shoulder, her other hand smoothing over the arm Dani had across her stomach, warm and grounding. “Anytime.”
--
The next morning, Dani woke to the slant of sunlight across her face. Jamie, no doubt having woken up with the sun, was next to her in bed when Dani blinked her eyes open, squinting in the morning light. She held a hot cup of tea in one hand and a book in the other, resting on an upright knee as she read. Dani would’ve thought that time had frozen from the day before if it weren’t for Jamie’s change of clothes and dishevelled hair from a night of sleep.
“Morning,” Dani murmured, her voice groggy, stretching her legs beneath the sheets. She eyed Jamie’s floral mug. “Did she see you?”
Jamie shook her head and flipped a page. “Waited ‘til she was gone,” she said, “Left a bit early too.”
“Oh."
It wasn’t often her mother left her behind for Sunday Church. It generally only occurred when she was upset with Dani more so than usual. The feeling left an acid discomfort in her stomach, and she curled further into herself to quell it. Seeing this, Jamie lowered her mug and her expression softened.
“Hey, more time for us to laze about, yeah?” Jamie said, her foot nudging Dani’s leg from above the comforter.
“I have to do chores,” Dani muttered into the sheets of her pillow.
Jamie’s mouth thinned. “Well, four hands are better than two as they say, or whatever.”
“I think the saying is two hands are better than —”
“Shut it. I haven’t finished my tea yet.”
Dani snorted, and was silent for a moment, before she said, “I really couldn’t ask —”
“Before you start banging on about it, I already did our dishes for you,” Jamie interrupted, her stare firm, “Let me help. Faster we finish, the faster we can get on with our day.”
In the end, it didn’t take much effort to convince her, not when Jamie was intent on being so sweet. It wasn’t often Jamie was so malleable and eager to help, and Dani found it to be remarkably charming and endearing, even as she awkwardly gave Jamie orders to get a head start on vacuuming during Dani’s hasty breakfast of cereal and tea. Jamie only fondly rolled her eyes as she trotted upstairs with the vacuum. They worked quickly and in tandem, Jamie’s radio blaring loudly as they cleaned that eventually Dani couldn’t help bobbing her head and singing along to the words. By midday, the house was clean and they were sweating in the humid summer heat. Before Jamie could even argue, Dani pressed a clean towel to her face and shoved her towards the bathroom to shower. Jamie laughed as she went, her smile brighter than it’d been in days.
Showered and dressed in clean clothes, the day was now theirs. The cinched feeling in her chest since waking up to her mother’s absence was loosened, but not entirely gone. It was the calm before the storm for when her mother returned. But until then, they spent the day much as they did the day before, holed up in Dani’s room with their books and music and endless conversation about everything and nothing.
“You need a bloody tv in here,” Jamie said at one point, tossing aside Mrs Dalloway in favor of returning to the dirty paperback Dani refused to look at, blessedly quiet this time.
When they overheard the unmistakable noise of the front door opening and slamming shut, Dani was all but shoving Jamie’s bag in her hand.
“What do you expect me to do? Jump out the f*ckin’ window?” Jamie hissed.
“Don’t be an idiot,” Dani hissed back.
They held their breath as her mom’s footsteps passed by Dani’s room and disappeared into her own with the click of the door pressing shut. And true to her word, Jamie did give off the appearance of a sneaky cat as she slinked quietly through the house with Dani behind her.
“You gonna be all right?” Jamie whispered, shoving her feet into her canvas shoes.
Dani shrugged, quietly easing the door open. “Nothing I’m not used to.”
Jamie frowned at that, but said nothing except for, “I’ll check in later. If you need me sooner, flash the porch light twice.”
Dani nodded.
“Chin up, Poppins.”
With a departing wink and grin, she was gone, jogging across the street. Dani grinned after her and silently shut the door. The house felt abruptly quiet with Jamie gone. A hollowed chamber where Dani could hear the echo of every sound and movement in the walls and floors. A drip of the tap. The groaning pipes. The whistle of wind through a window crease. Twenty-four hours alone with Jamie in her house, and it was like Dani had suddenly forgotten what the emptiness of it felt like.
A creak of a door opening sounded through the second floor. Dani stiffened at the noise and started towards the kitchen for anything resembling food. She was in the middle of preparing a simple sandwich when she heard the steps of her mother pad into the kitchen. Dani swallowed hard, knuckles white against a butter knife, her breath caught in throat, her ears pricked. She held herself still, as though she could camouflage into the walls, making herself as small as possible. Prey hiding from predator. Her mother moved behind her — the opening and closing of cupboards and fridge, the clink of glass, the opening of a bottle — and then, she was gone. Leaving a trail of smoke lingering in the air, never speaking a word. Dani started when the tv in the living room clicked on, the volume loud and oppressive. It was only when she was finally back in her room, the chair lodged under the doorknob, that could Dani breathe again.
She hid there for the remainder of the day with the company of her books, and the radio Jamie had inexplicably left behind. This she was used to. The silences of cold shoulders and the quiet of her room. But a few hours in the company of Jamie by her side, having grown comfortable with her presence in her room, it was achingly lonely and by the second hour, she was bored out of her mind. But then came the familiar voices over the walkie talkie to her rescue.
“Danielle?” came Eddie’s voice, “Danielle, you there?”
“Lower your voice, you knob,” hissed Jamie’s voice.
“Sorry,” Eddie mumbled, “Danielle?”
“Yeah, I’m here,” Dani replied, curling up on her side.
“Everything all good over there? Do I need to climb a tree again?” Jamie asked.
“You climbed a tree?” Eddie said, puzzled.
“Not important.”
Dani chuckled. “I’m fine,” she said. “Just bored, I guess.”
“Tomorrow’s Milkshake Monday, you should come over,” Eddie said, “When you’re not grounded anymore, I guess.”
“Please, Dani,” Jamie added, “Dunno how Mrs. O’Mara does it. If I hadn’t seen it for myself, you’d think this lot never showered with the way they smell.”
“Hey! Shut up, it’s hot outside, okay?”
“I’ll do my best,” Dani said, biting back a laugh.
“Oh! Is that Dani?” Carson’s voice appeared, “Dani, come over!”
“Christ, could you shu — “ Jamie’s voice cut off, as though she had taken her finger off the ‘push to speak’ button.
Dani quietly laughed, her heart warmed and aching with how much she already missed them, even if they were just across the street. They kept her company on and off throughout the rest of the evening. Jamie offered to sneak food over, until Dani had to reassure her she had enough to fill her for the night. Carson recited running commentary on the ongoings of everyone in the house, audibly disrupting them all until they brightened when they realized who was on the other end, saying their hellos. And near the end of the night, when Eddie had finally swiped back his walkie talkie, he murmured in soft tones.
“You sure you’re okay?”
“Really, I’m fine,” Dani assured, refraining from sighing.
“Okay,” Eddie said, satisfied. “You should really try to come over tomorrow. We could have a sleepover too, and um — “ his voice trailed off for a moment “ — I miss you.”
Dani grinned softly. “Miss you too.”
By the next morning, Dani woke early, amping herself up with Jamie’s radio on low, set to a Top 100 Pop Hits station, praying for some semblance of bravery. But when she ventured from her room, she found her mother’s bedroom door already open, coffee already made, and her car keys gone. The house empty and eerily silent. She debated with herself for the next half hour. Eating cereal by herself in the kitchen, writing an absentminded note on a spare piece of paper to get milk for the next grocery run, until eventually she was reconnecting the kitchen phone and dialing a number that was written down on a note on the fridge.
It rang four agonizing times until the line clicked open and her mother said, “Hello, Karen Clayton speaking.”
“Mom? It’s me,” Dani murmured, and she swore she could hear a soft sigh from the other end of the line.
“What do you need, Danielle? I’m working.”
“I was - um. I was wondering if I could go over to the O’Mara’s today,” Dani said, her grip tight on the receiver, and hesitantly added, “To sleep over?”
Her mother was quiet for a long moment. “Is that what you called me for? You know how busy I am.”
“I know, I - I just wanted to ask, because — “
“Do whatever you want, Danielle,” Karen said sharply, and the line went dead.
Dani blinked in the quiet of the kitchen, listening to her heart thudding against her ribs and the dial tone until she slowly set the receiver back into the base. It took a minute for the unease to settle, unsure of what to do, unsure if this was some kind of trap. But the promise of finally escaping to the house across the street proved to be more enticing, and she was racing up to her room to pack. Another storm passed, as they were wont to do.
The smile Eddie greeted her with when he opened the door was bright and infectious. He hugged her tight and happily took her bag from her hand, already marching towards the staircase to haul it upstairs. Nearby, Jamie was leaning against the wall and smirking at her as she pulled off her shoes.
“Finally,” Jamie muttered, “He hasn’t shut up about it since last night. Like he hasn’t seen you in weeks and not a few days.”
“Please, like you didn’t miss me too.”
Jamie’s smirk widened. “Not a clue what you’re talking about.”
Carson came abruptly sliding out of the kitchen on his socks, a jar of peanut butter and a butter knife in hand. “Dani!” he said, holding up the jar and knife as though in victory, “It’s Milkshake Monday!”
Even Jamie smiled through the roll of her eyes. Somehow over the course of the summer, jaunts to Big Bill’s Diner for milkshakes and lunch had become custom every Monday. The twins would occasionally accompany them, as they were today, hauling out their bikes along with Jamie’s to ride across town to the ancient grease diner that half the time was populated by truckers passing through. As was usual, they all doubled up. Dani settled behind Jamie, standing on the rear pegs of her bike, resting her hands on Jamie’s steady shoulders while Eddie and Carson followed suit with the twins.
“Ready?” Jamie murmured.
“Good to go,” Dani replied, patting Jamie’s shoulder. “Giddyup.”
“Say that again and I’ll throw you off,” Jamie grumbled as Dani laughed, and took off behind the twins.
Like all Mondays before, they hunkered down in a booth with their milkshakes and lunches of burgers and fries. It all together felt like being able to breathe once more, sitting in between Eddie and Jamie, laughing at the twins’ teasing and Carson’s brain freeze. Jamie slouched low in her seat, quiet more so than usual, but always wearing a small grin every time Dani glanced her way. When she saw an open opportunity to steal a fry from Jamie’s plate, she reached out a hand just for a reaction, and laughed when Jamie slapped it away, grumbling good naturedly but her smile wider than before.
On the other side of her, Eddie slid his plate closer to her. “You can have some of mine,” he said with an eager grin, knocking their shoes together.
Jamie made a noise that sounded both like a scoff and snicker. “knobhea*d.”
On the ride back home, Dani soaked up the afternoon sun and wind on her face, standing higher on the back pegs, pressing closer to Jamie’s back.
“You all right back there?” Jamie said as she peddled, mirth in her voice.
“Never better,” Dani replied, her grip tightening on Jamie’s shoulders.
--
Dani woke up squinting in the morning sun, almost expecting to see Jamie propped up on the pillows with a cup of tea in hand and a book in the other the way she had the other day. Instead, she rolled over and found the other side of the bed empty and cold, Jamie long gone for the morning. She was almost disappointed, but then she remembered: this wasn’t Dani’s house, nor was it Jamie’s. They were in Carson’s room where they had accommodated his bed for the night, seeing as it had more room to spare than a camp bed. They had both demurred at the idea, not wanting to take over Carson’s room, but Judy and Carson had insisted.
As quiet as possible, Dani rose from the bed and tiptoed around Carson sleeping soundly on the camp bed where he had sworn they’d stay up all night talking, but almost immediately fell asleep upon his head hitting the pillow. She opened the door to a quiet house. The boys rooms were still tightly shut, a gentle breeze blew through the open window on the landing, morning birds chirping outside, but there also were soft voices and movement down below. Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, Dani followed the sound downstairs towards the kitchen, and blinked at what greeted her.
Already dressed in her work clothes, Judy was manning the stove where a familiar kettle was heating up, and sitting hunched over at the counter barstool was Jamie, still in her pajamas, her hair disheveled. They both turned at the sound of Dani entering the room.
“Good morning, honey,” Judy said, smiling at her. “What are you doing up so early?”
Dani shrugged. “Just used to it.”
“An early riser like this one then, huh?” Judy said, nodding towards Jamie with an affectionate look. Jamie in response grinned thinly, her cheek resting against her fist. Judy waved Dani towards the barstools. “Go on, take a seat. Jamie’s teaching me how to make real English tea. I’ll get you a cup too.”
When Judy’s back was turned as she delved into the cupboards, Dani arched a brow at Jamie, grinning as she slid onto a stool next to her. Jamie rolled her eyes with a quiet sigh, but said nothing. Unlike last Friday, there was a relaxed slouch to Jamie’s shoulders as she sat at the counter, her legs still and her expression lethargic, but otherwise free of taut lines that so prevailed the previous week.
Dani grinned softly at the sight, and couldn’t help but reach up to smooth away wild flyaways from Jamie’s hair before leaning close to murmur in her ear, “Did you bring tea and your kettle from home?”
Jamie stiffened for a moment, before turning to scowl at her. “Sod off,” she murmured, poking Dani hard in the ribs, grinning when Dani jerked and swiped her hand away.
It was comforting, to quietly sit next to Jamie, still too tired to speak in full sentences as she listened to Jamie uttering soft, patient directions to Judy as she made the three of them tea. At the first sip, Jamie hummed appreciatively to Judy’s delight.
“S’not bad, Mrs. O’Mara. Definitely better than Dani’s,” Jamie said, failing to hide her smirk as Dani huffed.
Judy chuckled. “Thank you, sweetheart, I try my best,” Judy said, leaning on her elbows across the counter from them as she took a sip, “Not bad if I do say so myself. I’m going to have to get an actual kettle and real tea set, and then you’re going to have to show me how to make a real brew, as you Brits say.”
Jamie nodded and grinned. “If you like.”
Carson and Mike were the next to make an appearance in the kitchen as Jamie and Dani were in the midst of eating cereal and sharing a bowl of fruits. Mike gently guided a still half-awake Carson across the room before kissing Judy lightly on the cheek and helping himself to some fresh coffee. Carson was still bleary eyed as Judy handed him a bowl.
"Carson," Jamie said. When he glanced up she mimed throwing a grape at him until he opened his mouth and she chucked it across the kitchen in a clear arc. The grape smacked him on the cheek and went plonking down to the floor. Judy gave them both an admonishing look. Jamie grinned sheepishly in response as Dani snickered.
The day seemed to fly by after they’d had their breakfast and Judy and Mike set off to work. A whole house to themselves with nothing to do but to hang out and annoy each other. Dani was positive that Carson wasn’t as absentminded as he appeared as he shook his feet, lounging on the basem*nt couch during a movie, a foot hitting Eddie in the head more than once where he sat on the ground, leaning against the couch. Dani was beside him, having found her spot first before Eddie plopped down next to her, refusing to move throughout Carson’s beatings.
Instead, Eddie leaned his shoulder against hers, his hands twitching as if restless with nerves. When she relaxed her hands on her stretched out legs, his arm inched closer, pressing against hers as he rested his hand oddly on the ground between them, his palm up and hands loose. It was like he was waiting for something. Or someone to grab hold of it. The realization made her roll her eyes, and she reached down to grasp his palm. Out of the corner of her eyes, his shoulders tensed slightly, but a small smile curled up his lips as he pushed his glasses up his nose. Dani fondly shook her head as their fingers linked together.
Jamie meanwhile sat in an armchair with Mrs Dalloway in hand, slouching low with a leg slung over an armrest, her foot bouncing lightly. Throughout the movie — some Monty Python picture from the year before — Dani couldn’t help occasionally sneaking glances at her. Her eyes drawn to the way Jamie fiddled with her coin necklace and glowering more so than usual down at the pages as she read, her jaw clenched. A strain had returned to her that Dani couldn’t place beyond the fact that her choleric disposition had made its triumphant return from Friday. But by the time the movie was over, her hand free from Eddie’s grasp as he moved to change the tape, Jamie caught her eyes, her expression relaxed to a faint smile. When Eddie asked Dani what she thought of the movie, she found that she couldn’t remember the plot much at all.
Later, during their fourth round of Uno around the coffee table in the living room that evening, waiting for dinner as Carson helped Judy in the kitchen, Jamie seemed more relaxed but no less ornery in the spirit of competition. When Dani was moments away from putting down another matching card, Jamie looked up from her massive sprawl of cards in one hand with her chin resting on her fist and said, “Skip me again, I dare you.”
Dani raised her eyebrows, and shrugged with an air of nonchalance. “If you say so,” she said, playing a Skip card.
Jamie flung her pile of cards on the table. “For f*ck’s sake,” she grumbled as Dani laughed.
“You just ruined the pile!” Eddie groaned, with the fewest cards left in his hand, “We have to start over now.”
“Oh, shut your hole. You already won last round,” Jamie muttered, leaning back on her hands.
“Not my fault you’re just a sore loser,” Eddie said, rolling his eyes as he gathered the cards into a neat stack.
“Keep talking, and see what happens, Ed.”
Dani sighed exasperatedly. “Okay, I think we’re done with Uno.”
“Thank Christ,” Jamie breathed and rose to her feet, marching away towards the stairs. Dani watched her go with another sigh.
“Does she always have to be so grumpy like that?” Eddie asked.
“She’s had a rough couple of days,” she said, frowning at him.
Eddie snorted, and muttered under his breath, “Didn’t seem like it.”
Dani gave him a look that he shied away from. “Okay, okay,” he mumbled, “I’ll go easy on her.”
“I’d really appreciate that,” Dani said softly, and pushed his glasses up his nose.
He grinned at her, his cheeks tinted pink, and then inhaled sharply, looking down at the cards in his hands. “So, I was thinking tomorrow we could go get some ice cream together or something.”
“Ice cream? Yeah, I’d love to,” Dani said, “I’ll ask Jamie later.”
Eddie’s grin fell slightly as he looked back up at her. “No, I meant - I meant just the two of us.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah,” he murmured, his throat bobbing as he swallowed hard, and for a brief moment, Dani felt like she could hear her heartbeat in her ears. “Yeah, like a da — “
A loud slam from upstairs shook the house. They both jumped at the sound, eyes wide.
“You f*cking -!”
Thunderous footsteps ran across the top floor and down the stairs, stomping with every step. Dani and Eddie rose to their feet to follow the sound in the hallway.
“Get back here, you little sh*t!”
There was the distinct sound of Jamie’s laughter, wild with adrenaline and panic as she came crashing down the stairs, jumping across the last few steps and nearly collapsing over as she hit the ground.
“What on earth is going on?” Judy called out, appearing from the kitchen with Carson, eyes wide with her hands on her hips.
Jamie didn’t stop, rushing past them all towards the front door, ripping it open to bolt outside barefoot, her flannel and hair flying behind her. One of the twins — undoubtedly David — came thundering down the stairs after her, his face apoplectic and red, racing after her outside and down the street. Dani stepped towards the open door to watch them sprint around the corner and out of sight. Dani pressed a hand to her mouth to suppress her laughter as the others stood next to her in the doorway in bewilderment.
David may have been a whole foot taller than Jamie and then some, but Dani had every confidence that she could outrun him, especially with the dirty paperback she spied clutched in Jamie’s hand spurring her on.
“What in the Sam Hill was that all about?” Judy said, her arms crossed.
“No idea,” Dani replied.
Tommy came up behind them, laughing hard as he clutched his sides, and leaned over them to yell, “Told you it wasn’t me!”
--
“What,” said Dani, squinting down at the sheet in front of her, “is a cleric?”
They were sitting on the ground around the coffee table in the O’Mara’s living room. Eddie had claimed the couch as his throne and had surrounded himself with pages and notes, pencils and erasers, little cardboard tokens and a set of three big books, one of which was open and perched on his knees. On the table, he’d spread a large sheet of paper with grid lines drawn in pen.
It was the only vaguely quiet place in the house apart from the basem*nt, which didn’t have a big enough table to fit them. Judy was baking in the kitchen and had shooed them out of the dining room. Meanwhile, Tommy and David were blasting music upstairs in their shared room. Whenever Mike would stand on the stairs and yell for them to turn it down, the twins would comply for exactly thirty seconds before ramping the volume back up again. Even now, Dani could hear a rhythmic thumping bassline through the ceiling.
Eddie pushed up his glasses. “It’s like a cross between a Fighting Man and a Magic User. You can wield non-edged magic weapons and heal people in your party.”
“Non-edged? Why non-edged?” Dani pointed to the couch. “And can you pass me a pillow?”
“Sure. Here.” Eddie tossed her one of the cushions, which she promptly sat upon and crossed her legs. “It’s just in the rules. I’ve also made you guys level three, so Carson can actually do some damage in a fight.”
“Do I get a sword?” Carson asked excitedly, brandishing his pencil as though it were a weapon.
“You’re a Magic User. You can only use a dagger and spells.”
“Nice! Spells!” Carson pointed the pencil at his brother. “I cast: slap you in the face.”
Eddie frowned. “It doesn’t work like that.”
“I thought you said you were controlling the monsters, though.”
“You did say that,” Dani agreed.
Rubbing at his forehead, Eddie sighed. “I’m the Dungeon Master. I control the story and the monsters.”
“And I control the magic called: slap you in the face.” For good measure, Carson chucked his pencil at Eddie, who ducked so that the pencil bounced against the back of the couch.
“Watch it!”
Carson made a face at him. “Don’t be such a baby!”
“Yeah, that’s your job,” Dani said with a grin.
“Hey, Jamie,” said Eddie. “Come play with us. We need another person for the party.”
Like some sort of cat, Jamie was seated on the back of the other couch that was pushed up against the wall. She leaned her shoulder against the wall, one leg outstretched, the other knee balancing a battered paperback. Every now and then, Jamie would glance furtively over the top of the book towards the windows that showed the front lawn and the street beyond it.
“Don’t want to,” Jamie muttered, scowling back down at the book in her lap.
Eddie rolled his eyes. “You’re not even reading. You’ve been on the same page for ten minutes now.”
In answer, Jamie turned a page.
“C’mon. You can be a Fighting Man.” Eddie held up a character sheet with a bunch of painstakingly pencilled in numbers that he had added earlier that day while Dani watched and chatted with him. “You like fighting.”
Aiming her glower at him, Jamie growled, “f*ck off.”
“Look at that: perfect for the role.”
“Do I get to be evil?” Carson interrupted. “I want to be evil.”
Eddie ignored him. “Danielle, convince her to play with us.”
“She doesn’t want to play, Eddie,” Dani replied.
“Yeah, but she always listens to you.”
“I can hear you,” Jamie snapped.
“If you’re not going to play, why are you even down here?” Eddie asked. “You can always just hang out in Carson’s room if you want to be alone.”
Jerking her thumb towards the ceiling, Jamie said, “You think I can get a moment’s peace with Tweedledee and Tweedledum bangin’ about up there?”
“The basem*nt’s quiet, though,” Carson pointed out.
Dani could see Jamie’s lips purse together, her brows still furrowed and her shoulders tense. Outside, a vehicle trundled down the street and Jamie’s head jerked up to follow it only for her to slouch sullenly once more.
The basem*nt was quiet, but it didn’t have a clear view of the road.
"Let's just -" Dani smiled as broadly as she knew how towards Eddie and Carson "- play. All right? And let’s leave Jamie alone."
Begrudgingly, Eddie picked up a few cardboard tokens and began setting them out on the paper grid map. "Fine. Do you have names for your characters?"
"Uh," Dani glanced down at the sheet again. She couldn't visualize what her character looked like in the slightest. A priest, perhaps. Black robes beneath a set of medieval armour with a patch of white collar showing through. Grimacing, she said, "Dani?"
"You can't have it be your own name."
"Why not?" Carson asked. "Carson the Wizard has a great ring to it."
"Oh, my god," Eddie groaned and rested his forehead on the open pages of his manual. "Can you please take this seriously? Just for two seconds?"
"You want me," said Carson, "to pretend to use magic, and also be serious about it? Are you stupid?"
"Okay. Fine. Fine!" Eddie lifted his head and spread his hands in a sharp gesture. "Your characters are you. Just you with your own names but with powers. Now, can we please play?" When both Dani and Carson nodded, he sighed, "Finally. All right. The two of you are descending into the bowels of a long-forgotten ruin -"
They played. Dani kept forgetting the names of her abilities and how to perform them, but she did her best. She spent most of the time being distracted by the too quiet way Jamie was sitting behind her. More than once Eddie had to call her name to get Dani to stop looking over her shoulder at where Jamie was fiddling with the pages of a book or staring out the window.
"Danielle."
Dani started and turned back around. "Sorry," she said again. "Sorry. I - uh -" Turning over the character sheet, she re-read her list of actions. "I use Turn Undead?"
Eddie mimed an explosion emanating from the little token that denominated her character, pushing aside various other tokens that surrounded it. “With the strength of your conviction and the name of your god’s name upon your lips, you show your holy symbol and the skeletons around you crumble into dust in a blaze of light! All except -” he lowered his voice dramatically, pushing forward one of the tokens, “- for one.”
“Oh, sh*t,” Carson whispered, eyes wide, utterly rapt.
Without warning, Jamie scrambled from the back of the couch, half falling to the floor and racing to yank open the front door. All three of them — Eddie, Carson, and Dani — jumped in surprise, turning to stare as she ran from the house.
"What's gotten into her?" Eddie muttered.
Craning her neck, Dani pushed herself upright and peered out the window. A familiar truck had pulled up to the curb out front. She couldn't hear what was happening, not over the noise of Tommy and David's music, but she could see Nan pushing open the driver seat door and laboriously stepping out onto the pavement. Jamie was lingering at the other door, its window rolled down so she could lean on her elbows and exchange words with her grandmother.
"Oh! Mrs. Heron's back!" Carson said, abandoning the game of dungeons and dragons in favor of trotting off to the kitchen and hollering, "Mom! Mrs. Heron's back!"
Whatever Judy replied was lost as Dani wandered over to the open front door. She hesitated at the threshold, watching as Jamie's posture rapidly shifted from tense to relieved to tense all over again. Nan glanced up, saw Dani standing there, and gave her a tired looking wave. Dani returned the gesture, but Nan had already turned her attention back to Jamie, murmuring something that made Jamie's head jerk back as though she'd been physically struck.
Behind her, Dani could hear Eddie muttering to himself. She turned to find him cleaning up the coffee table. With a grimace, she returned to the living room to help him. "Sorry," she said as she shuffled together all of the various pieces of paper into a neat stack. "I was having fun. I swear."
"Mmm," said Eddie, sounding unconvinced.
"Do you want to finish the story tomorrow?" Dani asked and she handed over the pages.
Before he could answer, Nan limped through the front door. In one hand she leaned her weight heavily upon the polished wooden cane, but in the other she cradled in the crook of her elbow what appeared to be a bundle of blankets.
"Jesus Christ," Nan winced when she first stepped inside, aiming a sour glance up at the ceiling. "And I thought Louise's house was a racket."
"Hi, Mrs. Heron," said Eddie, packing up the last of the game along with his books. "Did you have a nice trip?"
"Loaded question, that one," Nan replied dryly. "Best answered over a cup of tea, I think."
"I heard the word 'tea.'" Judy emerged from the kitchen. She wore a flour-splattered apron and a smile as broad as it was warm. "Welcome back, Ruth. Long flight?"
With a grunt, Nan corrected her, "Flights. Plural. And I would kill for a half decent cuppa."
"I make no promises about decent, but Jamie’s been teaching me, so it will be tea."
"Ta."
Nan smiled wearily at Judy before she crossed the living room and lowered herself onto the same couch Jamie had been waiting on all day now. She groaned lightly, her movements stiff, treating the bundle of blankets in her arm as though it were a swaddling of gemstones. Outside, the car door slammed shut. Jamie stomped up the walkway towards the house. When she came inside, she paused to wipe her bare feet on the mat.
In puzzlement, Dani glanced between her and Nan. Ever since last night, Jamie had been a cluster of nerves. All short syllables and tense jaw. If anything, she seemed more ill at ease than before.
Carson came back into the living room, greeting Nan cheerfully before he got roped into helping Eddie carry everything back upstairs. Rolling his eyes, Carson nevertheless let his arms be piled up with books. As the two of them went up the stairs, Carson yelled for Tommy and Eddie to turn off the music since they had company. At the noise, Jamie's fists clenched at her sides and Dani could see the way her throat worked when she swallowed.
"You're awfully quiet," Nan said with a nod towards Dani.
"Sorry," said Dani.
Nan rolled her eyes. "I see that good for nothing mother of yours removed some of your spine in my absence. After all my hard work, too." She tutted, shaking her head.
Dani blinked. She opened her mouth to reply, but then the bundle in Nan's arms squirmed. When Nan set aside her cane and began to bounce the bundle up and down in a gentle rocking motion, Dani blurted out, “You have a baby?”
Nan looked at her as though she’d grown an extra head. “Don’t be daft. He’s not mine. Well -” she frowned off into the middle distance. “- As much as she’s mine, I suppose.”
Jamie’s stiff scowl deepened when Nan gestured towards her. When Jamie muttered something acidic under her breath, Nan said waspishly, “Speak up. If you’re going to say something unfortunate, you might as well be loud about it.”
Jaw clenched, Jamie lifted her voice enough to be heard. “I said: I can’t believe you didn’t even tell me that’s why you were going.”
“Wasn’t aware I needed your permission,” Nan drawled. A tiny hand worked its way free of the blanket and grabbed at her chin. Nan leaned her head away with a sigh. “Enough of that, you fussy fannybaws.”
Dani rose up on her toes as surreptitiously as she could in an attempt to get a better look at the baby, but she immediately sank back down to her heels again when Jamie snapped, "What about Denny?"
Nan's expression was hard as flint. "He's eighteen and long gone. Don't waste your breath on the likes of him. Too much like your father, he is."
"And whose fault is that, then?"
Nan glowered and it were as though any vestigial warmth in the room was sucked out of the house. Eyes wide, Dani held her breath, wishing she could sink into the floor. Anything to not be privy to this conversation.
"Now, I've had a long few weeks," Nan said coldly, "And I'm in no mood to tussle with you today. If you're that keen for a smack, we can talk tomorrow after I've had a sleep."
There followed a moment of agonizing silence, in which Dani tried to appear as unassuming and insignificant as possible. She looked at a spot on the floor and remained very still until — without another word — Jamie stormed off down the hallway. Just as she stalked out, she nearly ran into Judy, who was emerging from the kitchen with two steaming mugs in hand.
"Woah!" Judy swerved to narrowly avoid barrelling straight into seventy pounds of distilled ire. She stared after Jamie and shook her head when there came the crash of a door being slammed. Turning to Dani, she asked, "What on earth did I miss?"
Dani shook her head. Meanwhile from the couch Nan made a noise halfway between disgruntled and exhausted. Judy crossed the room to sit beside her on the couch, and as she handed over one of the mugs her eyes widened. "Oh," she said with dawning realization. Her mouth retained a round drawn out moue, and her eyes moved from Nan, to the baby, to the hallway where Jamie had just stormed off, and back again. "I see." Then she added, "Do you want me to add some whiskey to this?"
With a snort of laughter, Nan took the mug, careful to manoeuvre her hands so she wouldn't spill a drop on the all important parcel in her lap. "Normally I'd say yes, but I need to drive us home later."
"Well, the offer stands. I can drive you and Jamie home," Judy murmured around the lip of her own mug, "And it seems like you need it."
"It's not all that bad."
Judy gave Nan a look.
Nan sighed and took a sip of her tea. "Maybe that bad."
"Your daughter -?" Judy asked, trailing off without finishing the question.
In answer, Nan hummed and though the sound was wordless it carried all the bitterness she could muster. "The one and only."
"Louise, right? And what about -?" Judy made a covert motion with her free hand that Dani did not quite understand.
Nan seemed to get the message however, for she shook her head. "No. Someone else."
"And he's -?"
"Around?" Nan finished for her and then let out a bark of laughter. "No, I daren't say he is.”
Dani fidgeted, and suddenly two sets of adult eyes were upon her. Judy seemed a bit uneasy, clearing her throat and crossing her legs at the ankle.
“Dani,” said Nan. Her voice had softened somewhat, but her expression was unreadable. “Go get Jamie, love.”
With a nod, Dani turned heel and left, grateful for an excuse to depart the room. Behind her Judy and Nan struck up their conversation once more, but their voices were lowered to covert murmurs and Dani did her best not to listen. The music from upstairs had been turned down, and as she passed by she could hear Mike descending the steps and the O'Mara boys bickering in the backdrop. Dani ducked her head and hurried further along.
The hall leading to the garage was empty. Fumbling for the light switch, Dani flicked them on. Dim light flooded the narrow corridor. As she approached the garage, she could hear the sounds of banging, metallic and intermittent and not wholly loud. As though someone were carelessly casting aside tools in search of something else. Slowly, she opened the garage door and poked her head inside.
Jamie was crouched before her partially dismantled bicycle — the one she had scavenged years ago. Her back was to the door and she rummaged through a battered red toolbox that collapsed outward with trays when opened. Jamie tossed down a socket wrench, then picked up another, holding it up to her bike to see if it would match whatever fitting she was hoping to loosen.
Dani shut the door behind her as quietly as she could, but the click seemed to echo through the garage regardless. Items were scattered about on the cut concrete between them. A grease-streaked towel here. Remnants of a woodworking project here. Jamie seemed to take no notice in Dani's presence, though she must have known she was there. Dani's hand lingered on the painted texture of the door, hand bunched up at her back before she pushed herself forward. Jamie's head remained bowed over her work, shoulders hunched, movements sharp. When Dani stood close enough that she could reach out and touch her — could but didn't — she stopped.
"It's nice to have Nan back," Dani ventured.
Jamie hummed in answer but said nothing.
"I missed her," said Dani.
For a moment Jamie's movements stilled. When they started back up again it was with a vengeance, as though Jamie could take out all her frustrations on the old bike frame. "Wish she'd stayed back there," Jamie growled.
"That's not true," Dani said softly.
She could see the way Jamie's ribs expanded against the fabric of her t-shirt with a deeply indrawn breath. Her hand seemed to be trying to throttle the life out of the socket wrench, white-knuckled and tense. Then she began loosening the bolt that held the bike's back wheel in place. "Don't know why she had to go around sticking her nose into other people's business," Jamie said. "Again."
"Is that what you want?" Dani asked. "For her to have left you alone in the first place?"
"Maybe. No. I don't know," Jamie snapped.
She still hadn't looked up from her work, still hadn't so much as glanced in Dani's direction. The bike hardly needed the attention. Over the years she and Mike had spent so much time tinkering over the thing that it might as well have been entirely new but for the base frame. And even that had been given reinforcing and several new coats of paint. It was, Dani understood, never about Jamie really wanting to fix something — a bike, a car, turning a new handle for an old chef's knife. It was just something for Jamie to do with her hands.
Dani slowly placed her hand on the arch of Jamie’s back, feeling the muscles bunch up beneath her palm. “Then what do you want?”
She let her hand slip away, falling back to her side when Jamie answered, “For things to go back to the way they were. No excitement. No yelling. No new baby. Things are going to change because she -” Jamie grunted as she twisted at the socket wrench “- had to go and ruin it.”
“Not all new things are bad,” Dani pointed out, but Jamie wasn’t having any of it.
"I don't want -" Jamie said stubbornly "- another brother. This one's probably only half related to me anyway."
Dani crossed her arms. “Hey, that’s not fair.”
“True though,” Jamie replied with one of those bitter grins of hers.
“He’s just a baby. It’s not like it’s his fault.”
That logic seemed to bounce right off, for Jamie just shrugged and lifted the tire away, setting it down on the ground. "Doesn't matter. Still has consequences, doesn't it? People talk. People always f*ckin' talk."
"Nobody cares," Dani said firmly. "Who is going to find out, anyway? He's too young to go to school. We'll have graduated by the time he even learns to use full sentences."
Jamie laughed and it was a breathless, incredulous kind of sound. She shook her head, looking over her shoulder at Dani with a smile that didn't reach her eyes. "Think Nan's going to be the one taking care of him? 'Cause she's not." Jamie pushed at her knees and rose to her feet. She tapped the socket wrench against her own chest, her hands smudged with streaks of dark grease. "That'll be on my head, soon. Just you wait."
Frowning, Dani held her ground. "She isn't going to just up and leave you alone with a baby, Jamie."
"Yeah. Sure. Right."
"That's a bit extreme, don't you think?"
"Is it?" Jamie took a step closer to Dani, but she was pointing towards the garage door with the wrench. "Last time, I was the kid, and mum up and left, and Denny was off doing f*ckall, and dad was too busy in the mines to remember he still had kids! And then she -!" Jamie stabbed the wrench towards the door again as if brandishing a weapon, "- comes 'round like she's saving the f*ckin' day! And I’ll be the one left holding the can! Again!”
It took a moment for Dani to find her voice, to put together the pieces of what Jamie had revealed — glimpses of a past that she normally held so close to her chest like a fan of cards now tilted just slightly, just enough to peek — to say, “You won’t.”
If anything Jamie seemed puzzled by this response. Her brows furrowed and she blinked. “What -?”
“You won’t,” Dani repeated. “Because you’re not there anymore. You’re here.”
Jamie opened her mouth to reply, but no noise came out. Her hands were fists but the lines of her face softened somewhat. As much with bewilderment as anything else. As though Dani had tripped her along the war path. As though the wind had been directed right out of her sails.
"You're here," Dani repeated, voice softer now. She reached out to touch Jamie's wrist, curling her fingers around a notch of bone leading to her hand. "And Nan isn't going anywhere. And neither are you."
"You don't know that," Jamie breathed.
Dani's hand drifted down until her finger grazed the handle of the socket wrench. She gently urged Jamie's grip to slacken until she could take the wrench and set it down. "Maybe not," Dani said. "But you have today. Focus on today. Not tomorrow. One day at a time."
Swallowing thickly, Jamie nodded. Dani waited, but Jamie simply stood there, silent and uncertain. Two weeks ago, Dani might have asked if Jamie wanted her to leave, if Jamie wanted to be alone, but now she took Jamie by the hand and tugged her softly towards the door leading back into the main house. Jamie's fingers still held a slight tremor; she allowed herself to be led along. When Dani took the first left as they entered the hallway, Jamie's brow furrowed.
"Where are we -?" she asked as Dani pushed open the door leading to the downstairs bathroom.
Dani switched on the sink tap, setting the water to warm. "Need to wash your hands."
For some reason, Jamie must have thought that was funny for she laughed, a short, breathy sound.
She could have easily washed her hands herself, but she let Dani urge her hands beneath the warm steady stream, let Dani lather a bar of soap between their sets of hands. Streaks of grime were swept down the drain. Dani hardly noticed how close they were standing — their sides jammed together, their knees knocking together — focusing instead on letting the water stream over their wrists and knuckles, focusing instead on twisting the tap shut and drying Jamie's hands with a towel. She half expected Jamie to pull away, to laugh and say she could do this herself, but Jamie didn't. And when Dani glanced up, hanging the towel back on its hook, Jamie was watching her with that blank expression of two weeks ago. As though Dani had happened upon her in a dream.
"You okay?" Dani asked. She wiped any residual water from her own hands upon the front of her shirt.
Jamie nodded, but her smile appeared forced. “Yeah. Thanks.”
Dani searched her gaze, but Jamie’s eyes were steady and unblinking. She was about to ask again, insist even — ‘Tell me. Don’t hide from me’ — but then Jamie was straightening her shoulders and walking back into the hallway. For a moment Dani hesitated, gripping the front of her own shirt, before she trailed after her down the corridor and back into the living room.
Nan and Judy were sitting on the far couch pushed up against the wall, while Mike had taken one of the armchairs nearest his wife. Empty cups of tea were littered across coasters on the coffee table. The adult’s conversation paused when she and Jamie walked into the room, but resumed once again when it was apparent that Jamie was only moving to sit on the other empty couch. Jamie dropped down onto the cushions, feet splaying out and arms crossing, but she was here.
Dani shot Nan a questioning look, and Nan gave her a slight nod as thanks. The pleasure at having done something right buzzed straight down Dani’s spine — a heady mix of elation and relief — and she took a seat beside Jamie.
“Go on, then,” Nan held out the baby to Jamie. “Take him.”
Looking horrified, Jamie leaned away. “I don’t want -”
“Jamie Katherine Taylor, if you think I won’t scalp your arse in front of all these people, you’re dead wrong. Now, take him.”
At the sound of her full name being used, Jamie’s face went an ugly shade of red and splotchy all over. It was only the second time Dani had ever heard Nan use Jamie’s full name before, and the first time had similar effects. Jamie’s throat worked and slowly her face lost its flush of anger, and finally she rose from her seat, reached out and let Nan place the baby in her arms. Then, she slouched back against the couch beside Dani, keeping her eyes sullenly on the squirming bundle in her lap. Dani’s hand crept over as surreptitiously as she could manage and she simply rested it against Jamie’s leg, hoping that it might be a comforting weight. And gradually the tension in Jamie’s shoulders eased.
After a moment of awkward silence, Judy remarked, “Katherine’s a lovely name.”
Jamie shot her a look that should have left Judy maimed on the floor, but she said nothing.
“Not my first choice,” said Nan, settling herself back against the opposite couch and rubbing at the dark circles beneath her eyes. “But Louise was insistent.”
“And is Jamie short for anything?” Judy asked.
Jamie shook her head at the same time Nan said, “No. Just Jamie. After my brother.”
Leaning over to get a better look at the baby in Jamie’s arms, Judy said, “Well, we’re going to have to think of a nickname for this one, anyway. ‘Mike’ is already taken.”
On the sidelines, Mike smiled apologetically and shrugged.
Under her breath Jamie muttered, “Can just call him ‘Bawbag’ and be done with it.”
Nan smacked Jamie’s ankles with her cane.
“Ow!” Jamie hissed, jerking her foot away and glowering at her grandmother.
“Be nice to your brother.”
Jamie rolled her eyes. Her knee bounced up and down — as it always did when she sat still for too long — and the baby grabbed at her hair with greedy hands. With a wince, Jamie stopped jiggling her knee and bowed her head down. “f*ck’s sake. You too?” she muttered under her breath, low enough that Dani was the only one who could hear. “Let go.”
Reaching over, Dani helped pry apart surprisingly strong little fingers from around Jamie’s hair. Every time it seemed they managed to get him to let go, his other hand would grab at her again. Eventually Dani let him grasp at her individual fingers instead, and Jamie was finally free.
“What about ‘Mac’?” Judy said. “That’s a Scottish thing, isn’t it?”
Nan made a face like she’d bitten into a lemon. “That’s even worse than just ‘Michael.’”
“Well, what’s wrong with plain old ‘Michael’?”
“Everything,” said both Nan and Jamie in unison.
“Hey, now,” said Mike, wounded.
As they lobbed nickname ideas back and forth, Dani leaned her shoulder against Jamie’s to look down into her arms, where the baby was squirming against the restraints of his blanket. He had a red and scrunched up face and a shock of dark hair cowlicked to his head. Dani tried to tuck his arms back into the blanket, but he wormed his way free despite her best efforts. When his eyes weren’t closed, he blinked as though against a bright light, turning his face in an attempt to hide from it, but the moment Dani covered his face with the blanket he pushed at the fabric in a fit of fledgling pique.
“You really are fussy,” Dani murmured, but she smiled and tugged the blanket down over his face again, biting back a snort of laughter when he pushed against her hand with a wordless whine of complaint. Without glancing up Dani said, “What about ‘Mikey’?”
The conversation died down and everyone turned to look at her. Dani blinked up at them, still half bowed over Jamie’s lap so that their shoulders were pressed up together. The baby had grabbed hold of her hand between both of his now and was see-sawing her fingers back and forth. She kept her wrist loose and gave him free rein.
Her suggestion lingered in the air as they all mulled over the name. Judy tilted her head slowly back and forth as if weighing between options. Jamie’s frown had vanished. And Nan was contemplatively stroking the polished head of her cane, lips pursed in thought.
“The least worst option I’ve heard,” Nan said finally.
“Better than ‘Mac’ anyway,” said Jamie. “Or Michael.”
“Oh, aye.” With a sigh, Nan sat back and waved towards Dani. “Mikey it is, then.”
--
With the arrival of Mikey, summer began to wane at what felt like an increasingly steady state. Dani spent the time jumping from house to house to house, carrying her polaroid camera everywhere she went, not wanting to miss a thing. Not when it felt like they were all on the precipice of jumping into the unknown, the gilded halls of high school hot on their heels.
Those last few weeks were spent glued to Jamie and the boy’s sides, avoiding home as much as possible. Days were spent finally learning how to drive with the help of Mike, white knuckled around the steering wheel of his car while being egged on and teased with Jamie and Eddie sitting in the backseat, and doing much of the same when one of the others were in the driver’s seat. Dinners were spent around the O’Mara’s dining table and evenings huddled around the coffee table playing Eddie’s dungeons and dragons game — Jamie had finally been roped into playing as a Fighting Man with an uneasy amount of bloodlust and mischief in her eyes. There were also the occasional sleepover nights spent in the O’Mara’s backyard under the dark sky telling scary stories with Jamie terrifying them into sleepless nights over ghost stories from England.
And then there were days spent at the railway cottage. When Jamie insisted on spending as much time as possible away from the house, sprinting the days until the porchlight flickered twice as Nan called them home. They spent their time walking along the railway tracks, biking past endless corn fields in the evening sun, and chasing after summer storms, watching darkened swirling clouds that almost seemed to glow as they passed over corn fields.
The one day they got caught up in the edges of a storm, getting soaked to the bone by the flash of rain, Jamie had laughed and said, “Is this really what storm chasers do?”
“What do you think, idiot?” Dani had said over the crash of distant thunder and wind.
“Think I’ve got a knack for it,” Jamie replied, hands on her hips as she stared at the vortex of clouds, “Reckon we’ll finally see a tornado this year?”
Dani rolled her eyes so hard it nearly hurt before she dragged Jamie back home to the cottage where they spent the next few days shivering fiercely to the sound of Nan’s scolding.
For the times when Nan put her cane down so to speak, they were at home helping watch Mikey. Jamie still hadn’t truly taken to him, her mouth twisting with distaste for every lesson learned on feeding him to bathing him to changing his diapers, but she never spoke another word of disdain. At least, not in front of Nan. Her grumbling of sleepless nights due to Mikey’s growing teeth pains were reserved for Dani only. Though there were days where Dani would find the pair of siblings in the midst of a staring contest as Jamie fed him, as though they were having a silent conversation. Dani was sure to capture the moment the second she could with her polaroid.
Dani on the other hand was enamored. Helpless to big brown eyes that stared unblinkingly up at her, his wordless baby babble and bright laughter when she tickled his sides, his hands grasping at anything to hold as they wriggled around determinedly. Dani and Jamie learned very early on to keep their hair tied back whenever he was in a grabbing mood. The first time Dani managed to rock him to sleep, she was so surprised that she nearly didn’t want to hand him off to Nan to put him down in the crib she had gotten secondhand from Judy.
The boys meanwhile were in the state between being terrified of even sneezing near Mikey and utterly fascinated to be in the presence of a baby for the first time since Carson had been born. Carson himself nearly vibrated out of his seams of having a baby to introduce so many new things to, and specifically with the relief of not being the youngest anymore. Eddie in particular was near bugeyed the first time he held him, frozen solid to the couch in fear of being flayed alive by Nan as though with one sudden movement Mikey would go flying from his arms.
It was a summer Dani would be hard pressed to forget, but eventually it eased to a close and by mid-August, high school came calling. None of them were eager or thrilled for the start of the new school year, especially one in an unfamiliar environment, particularly Carson who would be the only one left in middle school. His mood became morose the closer the day came, quiet and ill tempered that even Dani wasn’t sure what to say beyond the fact that nothing outside of school was going to change. Not even Eddie knew what to say or even felt the need to say anything at all, but to reassure Dani with a roll of his eyes that Carson would be all right eventually.
The only thing that seemed to ease the tension from Carson’s shoulders was the day before school was to start when Jamie took him aside by the shoulders at the river, walking him a few feet away and talking in soft tones that Dani couldn’t hear. She watched them with a fond soft smile until they eventually returned, Carson sitting heavily next to Dani with a sigh and swiping away Jamie’s hand with a faint scowl when she ruffled his hair with a smirk.
Later, when Dani asked her what she’d said to him, Jamie only smiled faintly and shrugged, murmuring, “What I wished someone told me, I guess.”
Jamie didn’t elaborate, and Dani didn’t feel the need to ask, grasping Jamie’s hand with a grin.
The first day of high school felt like walking into a strange new land. Unfamiliar hallways and unfamiliar faces of upperclassmen. Tommy and David left them in the dust the moment they stepped foot on campus with mocking grins and calls of good luck.
“Some help they were,” Eddie muttered with a scowl, his knuckles white against the strap of his satchel as his eyes darted around nervously.
Jamie snorted. “Did you really think they weren’t gonna be dickhe*ds about it?”
“Well - I -”
While Eddie floundered for a response, Jamie rolled her eyes and led them inside.
By the end of the day, Dani could proudly say that she’d only gotten lost twice, and hadn’t verged on some sort of internal meltdown when she ended up only sharing homeroom class with Eddie. For years, eight hours a day, five times a week, she’d had both Eddie and Jamie by her side during school. Being a freshman alone was already nerve wracking with the way upperclassmen would sneer at them in hallways, but this all together felt sacrilegious to Dani’s routine. Jamie had only huffed and shrugged helplessly before darting to her own class as Eddie led her away by the hand.
It was easier as the week went on. Learning all her teachers' names, discovering she shared most if not all classes with Jamie and Eddie in some form or another. By Friday, she had memorized hallways and the locations of the nearest bathrooms, and learned that North Liberty High took its extracurriculars seriously, for being as few as they were. During lunch after her lone AP English class she had by herself, the main hall leading towards the lunch room was lined with small booths displaying various sports and extracurriculars to sign up for. Dani lingered near a few, biting her lip in consideration as she held her books close to her chest.
There weren't many she was particularly interested in, though she knew her mom expected her to thoroughly fill her schedule and future resume for university. Volunteering for some kind of charity or community work had been one thing she’d been considering, along with tutoring and student council. When she neared the booth for cheerleading, her shoulders tensed and her stomach tightened, her eyes landing on a group of girls hovering around the booth already in their uniforms in the school’s colors of blue and white. Swallowing hard, Dani ducked her head to avoid eye contact and sped past them, hearing their ring of soft laughter and conversation as she went.
In the end, Dani ended up picking up pamphlets for the clubs she was vaguely interested in, along with a Young Democrats of America and Model UN pamphlets for Eddie, and after much deliberation, cross country and track and field pamphlets for Jamie. Just as she was about to pull open a door dividing the different wings of the school, it was opened for her and she looked up to see Roger smiling thinly at her.
“Thanks,” she mumbled and walked past him. She only made a few steps down the hall when she realized he was following close by. It wasn’t really anything untoward. They shared the same AP English class much to her surprise, and there was only one way from class towards her locker and the lunchroom and it was down the same hallway they walked now.
“Um, hey,” he said, stepping next to her, his thin frame slouched and swallowed up in his oversized flannel, his hands buried in his jean pockets.
Dani blinked up at him in surprise. “Hi,” she replied with the rising awareness that this was already the most they’ve spoken in years.
“Never realized how ambitious you were,” he said, offering her a faint grin.
“Sorry?”
He gestured towards the pile of pamphlets in her hand. “You just - you have a lot you seem interested in.”
“Oh - um. No, some of them are for my friends,” she murmured, pulling her books and papers closer to her chest, not looking at him.
“Right. Eddie and Jamie.”
“Yeah.”
He was silent for an awkward moment as they walked. “What clubs are they interested in?”
“Um, Eddie’s been getting really into foreign affairs recently, and Jamie’s really good at running so I got them some politics and track stuff."
“Cool. And - uh - what about you?”
This was by far the strangest conversation Dani’d had in forever. “Volunteering. Student council. You know, the boring stuff no one really cares about.”
“Right,” he said, chuckling.
She floundered for a moment before asking, “And you?”
“Track, maybe,” he muttered with a shrug. Dani gave him a puzzled frown, knowing very well he was nearly as bad as Dani was at running. Before she could question it further, he scratched the back of his shaggy brown hair with a sheepish expression, “My dad wants me to join a bunch of stuff like yours, but I...I kinda hate it.”
“My mom too, actually,” she said, and they both shared a commiserating look.
They were silent again for another painful second when, without warning, Roger asked, “Are you going to Homecoming?”
Dani froze, jerking to a stop to blink up at him. “What?”
He seemed abruptly and unusually shy as he stopped next to her, his cheeks pink as he slouched further into the bunch of his shoulders. “I mean - I’m not - ” he started, and exhaled sharply, “I just mean it’s our first for high school, right? I just wanted to know if you were planning on going.”
Dani blinked up at him, lost for words. She was nowhere even in the realm of thinking about Homecoming, much less planning on attending it, not when it was still over a month away, but the way Roger was shuffling his weight from foot to foot sent a shock of anxiety down her spine to her heart, jumpstarting it into a pounding rhythm.
“Are you -? I mean - Is this -?” Dani gestured between the two of them.
His eyes widened. “Oh — no, I’ve been thinking about going, and thought — I guess I thought it’d be cool if I knew someone nice was going, too,” he said, shrugging helplessly, “No one really talks to me besides Sterling and Jackie, and well - you know how they are.”
“Oh,” she murmured, and swallowed hard, shrugging. “Yeah, um - I might go. I don’t know.”
Roger nodded as they continued walking, scratching again at the back of his head, his cheeks turning near scarlet as he asked, “Do you think Jamie would go?”
“Um,” Dani murmured, and tried to picture Jamie in a dress under cheap dance lights, looking absolutely miserable, and had to refrain from laughing incredulously at the image. “I’m not sure.”
His shoulders slumped, looking oddly dejected as he sighed. “Right,” he murmured, and then slowly paused, frowning as his eyes zeroed on something down the hall.
Dani followed his line of sight to see Jamie’s familiar form hunched over in front of Dani’s locker, the lines of her back coiled tight and unmoving. Sterling and Jackie hovered next to her, both wearing wry smirks. Huffing loudly, Dani marched over with a scowl until she was close enough to hear the tailend of Sterling’s remark.
“ — don’t see what the big deal is. It’s just a couple of bucks.”
“Aren’t you forgetting that she can barely afford new clothes in the first place?” Jackie said with a cruel smirk, somehow already wearing a cheerleaders uniform, her hair pulled into a bouncy ponytail.
Clenching her teeth, Dani pushed her way in front of Jamie to face Jackie and Sterling, forcing her mouth into a thin smile. “Hi,” she said, an air of faux civility and sweetness to her voice, “Is there something you two needed?”
Neither of them seemed truly surprised to see her. Jackie rolled her eyes and said, “This act is getting a little old now, don’t you think?”
“I could say the same thing,” Dani said, nodding agreeably, her eyes sharp on them both. “Now, are you done? Or can we help you with something?”
Sterling shrugged. “Was just asking Taylor to borrow some cash for lunch,” he said, as though his family wasn’t one of the wealthiest in town, “Promised to pay her back, but she had to start kicking up a fuss about it — ”
“Ever stop to think about how she might have a good reason why?” Dani interrupted with a pointed glare, acutely aware that Jamie hadn’t so much as moved an inch and breathed a word behind her.
Expression darkening, Sterling took a step forward. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You know exactly what I mean.”
Jackie snorted. “Look at you, Clayton. Knight in shining armor,” she drawled, smirking as she crossed her arms and tilted her head at a mocking angle, “Your mom know you’re still playing babysitter to this loser? Or has she finally started regretting you being born yet?”
Dani’s knuckles went white around her books, her teeth clenched painfully tight as she felt her face and ears go red hot. A growl and metal clanging on metal sounded behind her. Before Dani could react to stop whatever violent reaction that was brewing from Jamie behind her, Roger’s tall frame stepped beside her.
“Hey, what are you guys still doing here?” Roger said, frowning at Sterling and Jackie, “We’re gonna be late for the lunch line.”
Dani blinked up at him, her jaw still wired tight, her breath shallow.
Letting out an exasperated sigh, Sterling leaned heavily against the lockers and gestured towards Dani and Jamie. “I’m just trying to get some cash for extra, man.”
“By stealing it from us?” Dani grumbled.
“To borrow,” Jackie amended in an acerbic bite.
Dani raised her eyebrows and gave her a caustic smile. “I’m sure,” Dani said dryly, “Just like all the other times you borrowed our lunch money, right?”
Arching an eyebrow, Jackie looked to Roger. “Roger? Are you going to help us or what?”
Roger seemed to freeze in place, blinking down at Jackie and Sterling with a frown. Dani swallowed hard, any inkling of irate feeling sinking down the drain to be replaced with unease. Roger’s gaze darted towards Dani’s, holding it for a moment before flickering over her shoulder to Jamie, and to her surprise, she found a pool of shame dimming his eyes, his cheeks pink. He ducked his head briefly before pulling up straight to his full height, his shoulders pressed back and his expression hardened, looking very much like the same angry, violent boy he used to be. But instead of aiming it towards Dani and Jamie, he was looking directly at Sterling and Jackie.
“No,” Roger said, “I’m not.”
Jackie scoffed, wearing an incredulous smile. “Excuse me?”
“They’re not giving you any money. You’re wasting your time,” Roger replied, and crossing his arms, he added, “And mine.”
“Don’t be like that, man,” Sterling said, “I just need an extra five bucks or whatever.”
“If you want to clean out the schools stash of snacks that bad to resell later, then I’ll f*cking buy it for you,” Roger said impatiently, “Now, can we go?”
Jackie rolled her eyes again. “Fine.”
Pushing off the lockers, Sterling grumbled something under his breath that only Jackie and Roger seemed to hear. Jackie snickered as Roger huffed, grabbing Sterling by the shoulders to frog march him firmly away. The trio left without another word, leaving Dani and Jamie to stare off after them as though the last five minutes never happened. Just as Dani was about to turn to check on Jamie, Roger glanced over his shoulder and gave Dani a faint apologetic grimace before disappearing around the corner. She blinked after him, blindsided once again.
Dani shook her head and spun around to face Jamie, eyes darting over her with a concerned frown, but Jamie wasn’t even paying her attention. She was hunched over the padlock that kept Dani’s locker securely shut, spinning the dial with jerky, agitated movements, her shoulders coiled taut, the muscles of her jaw sharp, and her brow darkly furrowed.
“Are you okay?” Dani asked, her hands twitching to reach out and grasp Jamie’s arm.
“What’s your bloody combination again?” Jamie muttered, pulling roughly on the lock, growling when it didn’t open, “Keep f*ckin’ forgetting.”
Dani slowly wrapped a hand around Jamie’s wrist, and immediately Jamie’s hands went still and her shoulders slumped. With a sigh, Jamie eased aside and let Dani handle the combination.
“I’ll write it down for you later,” Dani murmured, pulling open the lock and swinging the locker open to shuffle around her various textbooks.
“Sure,” Jamie muttered, leaning her shoulder against the lockers. Dani caught her gaze and they exchanged small grins, but a faint hint of worry clouded Jamie’s eyes, “You all right? What Jackie said — Christ, I know she’s a c*nt, but that was — ”
Dani huffed out a soft laugh. “Nothing I haven’t really heard from her before,” Dani said, shrugging when Jamie gave her a look. “Roger was unexpected though.”
Jamie snorted. “Sure.”
“Honestly kind of surprised you didn’t blow up at them this time.”
“Wanted to,” Jamie said darkly, glowering at the floor, “If you hadn’t shown up - or even bloody Roger - it wouldn’t have been pretty, believe me.”
Dani smiled softly at her. Ever since the brawl from two years ago, Jamie had been on a lengthy streak of good behavior at school, intent on keeping her promise of no more fighting to Nan this time. A surge of pride rushed through Dani, even as she watched Jamie shove her own books into Dani’s locker.
“You realize you have your own locker, right?”
“Yours is closest to the side entrance.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. Didn’t realize you had a super special entrance to sneak in and out of it.”
“Excuse you, I have done nothing of the sort.”
“Yet.”
Grinning cheekily, Jamie winked. At Dani’s laugh, she chuckled with a pleased smile. “Hey, you want to come over after school? Got something to show you at home.”
“Oh? Is it a surprise?”
Jamie shrugged. “Something like that.”
Grinning, Dani gestured to the bag she had shoved earlier this morning into her locker. “Good thing I packed, then.”
Peeking inside, Jamie nodded with an impressed grin. “Thought ahead, have you? Girl after my own heart.”
Dani snorted. “Shut up.”
At that moment, Eddie marched up beside them. “Hey, there you guys are. We’re late for lunch.”
Jamie sighed. “Why’s everyone banging on about lunch today. Jesus.”
Eddie shot her a puzzled frown. “Because I’m hungry?”
With a conceding hum, Jamie nodded. “Fair point,” she said, and dug into her jean pockets for change, “I’m making a run to the corner store, you lot want anything?”
“Beef Jerky,” Eddie immediately answered.
“Can I come?” Dani asked in lieu of an answer.
Jamie shot her a teasing grin. “You going deaf now, too? I said ‘run’ to the store.” Rolling her eyes, Dani shoved her lightly into the lockers. Jamie laughed goodnaturedly. “All right, crisps and Toastettes it is.”
--
At the end of the day, while waiting for Jamie to unlock the chains securing her bike, Eddie gestured to the bag Dani had slung over her shoulder. “Are you going to Jamie’s again?”
At Dani’s nod, Eddie failed to conceal the disappointed slump of his shoulders and his frown. Guilt swirled in Dani’s stomach, knowing she hadn’t spent as much time as usual with Eddie since Mikey arrived, too enamoured and eager to help Nan and Jamie.
When Eddie didn’t say anything more, Dani dug in her bag and pulled out the two flyers she had gotten for him. “I got these for you though,” she said, holding them out to him, “I know you already had your sights on baseball and tennis, but I wasn’t sure if you saw these.”
Eddie’s expression softened as he took them and looked them over. “You remembered,” he murmured, looking up at her, his smile bordering between fond and awed.
Beside them, Jamie snorted. “Hard not too with the way you’ve been going on about the election and this Carter fellow.”
Pressing his mouth together, Eddie gave Jamie a look that she smirked at. He shook his head and turned back to Dani. “Thanks, Danielle,” he murmured, and then paused, his eyes darting between her own, frowning in the same way he usually did when trying to solve a complicated math equation. And then, without warning, he leaned forward and pressed a chaste kiss to her cheek.
With the way her cheeks burned, Dani was sure she was just as red as Eddie as he quickly recoiled away, his eyes slightly wide. He roughly cleared his throat and began to stumble backwards, somewhat dazed.
“Talk to you guys later,” he said with a weak wave of his hand, and without waiting for a response, he spun around and speed walked away off campus down the block.
Dani was still blinking wide eyed after him when Jamie whistled low beside her. “Dunno about you, but that was like watching a car wreck in slow motion.” Huffing, Dani elbowed her hard in the ribs. Jamie grunted, jerking away into her bike, grumbling, “All right, you can just walk home, then.”
“Don’t,” Dani said, biting back an embarrassed laugh, “He was just being sweet.”
“Oh, he’s sweet on you, all right,” Jamie muttered as she hopped on her bike, and before Dani could even begin to process that, Jamie gestured behind her, “Hop on, we don’t have all day.”
After a moment of hesitation, Dani did as she was told. Patting Jamie’s shoulder when she was settled, Jamie promptly took off down the street in the direction towards the railway bungalow. On the way, they stopped to pick up takeout from Big Bill’s and about twenty minutes later of biking through suburbs and past fields of grass and corn, they reached Jamie’s home. She peddled them directly towards the back of the house where they hopped off, leaving the bike resting against the side of the house.
“Okay, where’s my surprise?” Dani asked, eyes darting around.
Chuckling, Jamie waved her over. “This way.”
Leaving her bag resting on the grass, Dani followed Jamie as she led her towards the trellis’ that bordered along the length of the house beneath the porch. It was a beloved spot of Nan’s to grow flowers, but this year she had bestowed Jamie the gift of trying her hand of growing her own from seed to colorful blossom. Despite the years Jamie spent helping Nan in the garden, working as her assistant for the more strenuous work of digging soil and ripping out weeds, Jamie had never gone without Nan’s guiding hand. For the longest time, Jamie had operated under the belief that Nan didn’t trust her to not kill her prized vegetable plots or flowerbeds, but this year had been a surprising change.
Every day since spring, Jamie had tended to her patch of flowers with more care and patience than what Dani was used to seeing, and when Dani neared the trellis, she knew the effort had been worth it. She gasped softly at what once had just been creeping vines and vibrant, heart-shaped green leaves was now bursting with an abundance of bright blue flowers in the shape of trumpets.
“Jamie,” she breathed, stepping closer, eyes wide in awe, “They’re beautiful.”
“Yeah,” Jamie murmured, hands deep in her pockets, appearing unusually shy, “Took their sweet time to bloom, but here they are: morning glories.”
Dani slowly reached out a hand to gently run her thumb across a blue petal, the texture smooth to the touch. “Jamie, this is amazing,” Dani said, smiling wide at her, “I’m so proud of you.”
A pink tint creeped across Jamie’s cheeks, and she ducked her head to hide it. “Thanks, Poppins,” she murmured with a shrug, “Just a bit of flowers.”
“Your first,” Dani said, her smile fond. “You should be proud.”
“Guess so,” Jamie said, finally looking up, grinning shyly at Dani.
And just then, the back door swung open to reveal Nan with Mikey in her arms. “There you two are,” she said, and tisked when Mikey began to wiggle at the sight of them, “You daft numpty, d’you want to break your skull?”
With an exasperated sigh that only Dani could hear, Jamie bounded up the porch steps to take Mikey from Nan’s arms. “All right, quit your fussing about,” she said over his wordless whines until he settled comfortably against her shoulder, grasping at her necklace.
Nan harrumphed. “Made for each other, the both of you,” Nan said, shaking her head, “Been giving me trouble all day.”
As Jamie visibly struggled to refrain from scowling, a tight pinch at the corners of her mouth, Dani grabbed her bag and started towards them, smiling warmly at Mikey. “That doesn’t sound right, he’s an angel,” Dani said, lightly grasping his free hand for him to hold and swing around.
Jamie snorted. “Only when you’re around,” she said, gently pulling the chain from his hands just as he was about to pull it into his mouth, “Think he likes you more than he likes us.”
“Don’t be dumb,” Dani said, giving her a look, but when Mikey began to lean out of Jamie’s arms to reach toward Dani, Jamie arched an eyebrow at her. She breathed out a small embarrassed laugh and let Jamie take her bag for Mikey to reach his way over into her arms. She smiled warmly at him and kissed his cheek, “Hey, sweet thing.”
His response was to stare blankly at her, raising an inquisitive hand towards her face, his fingers poking at her jaw and cheek. She pulled his hand away where he then rested his head against her shoulder to gnaw at her shirt.
Jamie chuckled, and said to Nan, “See what I mean? Think we just leave him with her and call it a day?”
Nan glared witheringly at her. “You best watch yourself. I’ve had enough of your cheek to last me a bleeding lifetime,” she said, and turned to enter the house.
“Doesn’t bloody know how to take a joke,” Jamie grumbled under her breath, watching Nan go.
“She just needs some food,” Dani said with a teasing grin, “Isn’t that the way to a Taylor’s heart? Food and a nap?”
“She’s a Heron,” Jamie muttered, “Don’t think they have hearts.”
Dani gave Jamie an admonishing look and kicked at her shoe before following Nan inside. Slightly abashed, Jamie huffed behind her as they chucked off their shoes.
“We brought you food from Big Bill’s,” Dani said to Nan in the kitchen where she was at the sink cleaning a feeding bottle.
“Still trying to butter me up, I see,” Nan said without glancing her way, faint amusem*nt in her tone.
“It was Jamie’s idea.”
Nan paused at that, silently arching an eyebrow at her. “That right?”
Jamie muttered something under her breath behind her, but nonetheless pulled the brown takeout bag from Dani’s bag where it was keeping warm and dropped it on the kitchen table that wobbled under the sudden shift of weight. Without looking at either of them, she pulled out a container from the takeout bag and left it on the table.
“Steak and potatoes,” Jamie murmured, and without another word, she marched back outside with both bags in hand.
At the sink, Nan pressed a hand to her hip and shook her head. “That bloody girl,” she said, voice free of her normal cross disposition, sounding more nonplussed than Dani’s ever heard her.
Dani offered her a faint smile, shifting Mikey more comfortably in her arms. Nan sighed and waved her off. Dani left her with one last smile and returned to the backyard to find that Jamie had spread out a blanket in the grass for an impromptu picnic, already in the midst of wolfing down her burger and fries. Dani plopped down next to her and let Mikey roam free on the blanket as she unwrapped her own burger. They ate silently together, listening to the soft breeze blowing through the trees and tall grass in the fields surrounding the property. Jamie finished before her, as she usually did, balling up her empty wrapper and used napkins back in the bag before lying down with her head perpendicular to Dani's crossed legs.
“That’s not good for you, you know?” Dani said in between bites, “Lying down after eating.”
Jamie waved her off, her eyes closed. “I’ll burn that bridge when I get to it later.”
Dani smiled fondly down at her, making sure to keep an eye on Mikey as he wobbled and rolled on his stomach and sides. When she finished eating and cleaned up, she reached inside her overnight bag and pulled out Jamie’s pamphlets.
“I got these for you,” Dani said, resting them on Jamie’s chest.
Jamie peaked her eyes open, picking up the flyers to look them over, and grinned wryly. “Thought you’d forgotten about me with these.”
Though there was no bite to the words, Dani still frowned at her. “I wouldn’t forget you.”
Jamie chuckled softly. “I know,” she said, and waggled the flyers in Dani’s direction, “But you’re forgetting track starts in spring.”
“But there’s cross country in the fall,” Dani said, pulling down the track and field flyer to reveal the cross country one beneath.
“Cross country is a whole other animal.”
Absentmindedly grasping at strands of Jamie’s hair and starting to braid it, Dani said, “Mr. Roberts did say you were the best runner he’s seen in years. Don’t you remember him saying something weird once about you having fast feet to make up for your height?”
Jamie swatted at Dani’s leg. “Shut it,” Jamie grumbled as Dani laughed, “Besides, Roberts also once said I was the bane to his existence, so y’know, pinch of salt.”
“At least think about it? I just - I know you’d be really good at it,” Dani said.
Catching her eyes, a lingering tension around Jamie’s eyes softened and she slowly smiled, “Fine,” she said, “I’ll think about it.”
With a pleased, wide smile, Dani affectionately and gently tugged on the braid she’d been working on. Jamie’s head followed the movement and she sighed goodnaturedly, swiping away Dani’s hand.
“What about you, Miss Overachiever?” Jamie asked, “Still thinking of joining those mad amounts of clubs you mentioned.”
“Probably,” Dani shrugged noncommittally with a small frown, tearing her eyes from Jamie briefly to watch Mikey who had somehow managed to crawl near the edge of the blanket, trying not to think about the one club she didn’t stop to contemplate, “Not all of them, though.”
They were silent for a moment, until Jamie nudged her in the leg. “Hey,” she murmured, drawing Dani’s eyes back to her, “What’s with the face?”
“What face?”
“Your ‘thinking too hard’ face.”
Dani didn’t respond for a long moment, until she softly said, “Mom wants me to join the cheerleading squad.”
Blinking up at her, eyes wide, Jamie said, “She does remember you’ve got lungs like a dried grape, right?”
“Who do you think buys my inhaler prescriptions?” Dani laughed, then sobered, “I just - she was one when she was in high school. I guess she just - she wants the tradition to pass on.”
Jamie went quiet again, wearing a considering frown. “Well, she’s sh*t out of luck,” she said finally, “As intriguing as the sight of you in a cheerleader uniform is, I don’t need you dropping dead on me from an unfortunate and avoidable asthma attack.”
With a roll of her eyes, Dani flicked her in the head. Jamie laughed and swiped her hand away again.
“You know, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to,” Jamie said.
“I know.”
“I’ll have a go at your mum if I have to.”
Dani laughed. “I know.”
“Good,” Jamie said, grinning impishly, “Just s’long as you know.”
They fell silent again, enjoying the quiet and Mikey’s murmured babbling. At the sound, Dani looked up at him and slowly cringed.
“Jamie?”
“Mm?”
“I think Mikey’s eating grass again.”
Jamie shot up to her feet from the blanket like a compressed spring let loose. “For f*ck’s sakes,” she grumbled and pulled Mikey up to reveal that indeed, there were strands of grass stuck to his mouth and clutched in his tiny fist.
Dani laughed quietly as Jamie strode past her to delve back inside the house without a backwards glance, fussing over Mikey and brushing away grass from his mouth and hands, grumbling the entire time.
“You keep this sh*t up, and I’m not bringing you with me to the garden again, d’you hear me?” Mikey babbled in response. “Oh, yeah? Try me, see what happens. No bullsh*t, I will feed you to the vultures.”
Even as they disappeared inside the house, Dani could still hear Jamie’s muffled voice through the open windows and screen door, scolding Mikey the entire time. She smiled wide to herself, a surge of fond warmth spreading through her as she laid down on her back and listened. While waiting for their return, Dani pulled out Valley of the Dolls from her bag and read a few passages in the interim. After making it three pages further in, she heard the screen door swing open once more and dropped the book to her stomach to crane her neck to see Jamie quietly murmuring to Mikey as she showed him her morning glories.
Dani smiled softly at them, curiously watching as Jamie snipped a single bloom from the vines with a pair of shears, tucking the bloom in Mikey’s collar and tossing the shears onto the porch with a thud. Jamie didn’t meet her eyes as she returned with Mikey to the blanket, sitting cross legged and placing Mikey next to her. In addition to the morning glory tucked in his shirt, he now adorned a pale blue striped sun hat with a ribbon tied under his chin to keep it in place.
“The kid has something for you,” Jamie murmured with a faint smile.
Chuckling, Dani plucked the blue flower from Mikey’s shirt and brought it to her nose, grinning wide as she inhaled its sweet scent. “Thank you, Mikey,” she said, looking directly at Jamie as she smoothed a hand over Mikey’s back as he began to squirm away again. “You really didn’t have to do that, you know.”
Jamie ducked her head and shrugged. “Wanted to.”
Smiling to herself, Dani took one last smell of the blossom and inserted the stem into the pages of her book next to her bookmark. She folded the book shut, careful not to press on the petals. Setting the book aside, she tilted her head up to Jamie, watching her absently pull at grass as she looked off into the distance.
“You know what’s super funny?” Dani asked. Jamie grunted to indicate she was listening. “You sounded exactly like Nan just now.”
Jamie shot her a dirty look and Dani burst out laughing.
“Oh, I see how it is,” Jamie groused, flinging tufts of grass over Dani, “I snip off one of my hard earned flowers for you, and this is how you repay me?”
“I said it with love?”
“Uh huh. You’re just as bad as him,” Jamie said, jerking her head towards Mikey with a scowl.
“He’s just a baby, he’s not that bad,” Dani said, “He’ll get better once he grows a little more.”
“Oh, sure, and the bigger he gets the more we run out of room,” Jamie said, gesturing broadly towards the house, and groaned, lying down on her back to rest her head on Dani’s stomach and mumbled, “Barely had enough room as it is.”
Dani chuckled, reaching up to pat Jamie’s head, and ending up running her fingers through tangled curly hair.
“I see what you’re doing and it’s not working,” Jamie said, her voice already languid as Dani gently ran her nails over her scalp.
“Don’t know what you’re talking about.”
They fell silent again, watching the clouds and a plane pass overhead, leaving a long trail of water vapor behind.
“If you could have any kind of house you wanted, what would it be?” Dani asked.
Jamie huffed. “Silly question, inn’it.”
“Simple one, really.”
Jamie was quiet for a long moment, the silence filled with Mikey wandering back towards Jamie to rest against her chest. Peering down, Dani watched fondy as Jamie seemed to absentmindedly bring her hand up to run it over his back as he cooed and babbled. Finally, Jamie murmured, “Hard to see myself anywhere but here to be honest.”
“Really?” Jamie hummed affirmatively. “Not even just to make something up?”
Jamie shook her head and grinned faintly up at her. “What would be the point? S’never gonna happen anyways.” Dani opened her mouth to reply, but couldn’t find the words, not really knowing what to say. Seeing this, Jamie gave her a reassuring smile. “What about you? Any dream houses on your mind?”
“Nothing special, I guess,” she said, shrugging and mulling it over. “Two floors, maybe. White exterior. Blue shutters. A corner to read in with a big comfy chair and shelves for my books. A garden in the backyard like this one. An office space to work in. Room to have friends and family over.” She paused, worrying at her lower lip, her fingers twisting gently in Jamie’s hair. “I’d want it to be warm and welcoming. To smell clean like flowers and fresh laundry, and be a safe space for anyone who needs it.”
“Christ, you’ve really thought about it, huh?”
“No. Not really.”
“Must’ve come from somewhere.”
“Maybe.”
The screen door swung open with a creak along with the tap of a cane against wood, and they both craned their heads to see Nan on the porch watching them with an expression Dani couldn’t read, blank save for the faint furrow of her brows and tilt of her head. “I’ve got a pot brewing, loves,” she said, her voice abnormally soft, “Pop him in his crib and come get a cuppa when you’re ready.”
And without another word, she returned inside the house, the screen door banging behind her. Peering back down, Dani saw that Mikey had fallen asleep on Jamie’s chest and that Jamie was watching him with a faint look of panicked wonder. As though feeling Dani’s stare, Jamie’s eyes darted up to her and the expression promptly vanished.
“Not a word,” Jamie grumbled, carefully gathering Mikey in her arms and sitting up.
“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Dani replied with a grin, already reaching inside her bag for her polaroid.
--
It was a rare day when Judy came over to Dani's house. Yet when Dani put on her shoes and called out her goodbyes on the way out, Judy had said she would walk her across the street.
Dani blinked up at her in confusion. "It's okay, Mrs. O'Mara. It's not far. I walk alone all the time. And Jamie walks to school by herself."
"Now, don't get me started on that," Judy warned, leaning over to pull on a pair of flats. "Anyway, I need to give back your mother's salad bowl."
Wondering why Judy didn't just give it to her for transportation across the street, Dani shrugged and waited. The boys had gone off to their various extracurricular activities, leaving her with little to do in their absence unless she wanted to trudge halfway across town to Jamie's house. Tempting an idea though that was, her mother had given strict instructions for Dani to be back home by five and it would take forty minutes to make it all the way to the railway cottage on foot. Another time, maybe. Another night.
Judy disappeared into the kitchen briefly — bang of cupboards and sauce pans — until she reemerged with the aforementioned salad bowl and a tupperware container full of leftover meatloaf and mashed potatoes. Dani eyed the tupperware with puzzlement until Judy pressed it into her hands and made shooing motions towards the front door.
Bemused, Dani shuffled out of the house and across the street with Judy at her side. She tested the handle of her own front door, determined she did not need her key, and ushered Judy inside with a murmured, "Come in."
"You're late," her mother's voice called out from the distant kitchen.
Shoulders hunching, Dani winced. She started when she felt Judy's hand on her back and glanced up in surprise when Judy lifted her voice, "Sorry, Karen! My fault! She was helping me clean up!"
There was the squeal of a chair being pushed back followed by footsteps, and Karen walked into the living room still wearing her work clothes. The blouse was untucked slightly from her skirt and her hair had slipped somewhat free of its usual bun, giving her a rumpled relaxed appearance. Her pale eyes moved between Judy and Dani before she smiled thinly and gestured them forward.
"You didn't need to walk her over, Judy."
"It's fine," Judy insisted as she continued further into the house. "Really. I wanted to give this back to you."
Karen took the glass-etched bowl that Judy held out to her. "Well, thank you. That's very kind. Would you like to stay for a drink?"
"Oh," said Judy. "Yes. Sure. Just a small glass."
Dani watched this interaction in silence. She still stood by the entryway, hand holding the door open. When her mother gave her a look, Dani ducked her head and shut it, careful to not make too loud a noise. Quiet hitch of the latch. By the time she removed her shoes and arranged them neatly by the door, her mom and Judy had already disappeared into the kitchen. They didn't even glance in her direction when she came in after them. Making a beeline for the fridge, Dani stored the container of food in the back for later, hiding it behind a shuffle of condiment jars.
Her mother was reaching into a cabinet for another glass and a fresh bottle of red. An empty bottle already stood beside the sink. From Dani's position by the refrigerator, she could see several more clustered on the floor, hidden behind cabinetry and in front of the door leading to the garage. Conquests from earlier in the week.
Shutting the fridge door, Dani mumbled, "I'm going to go read in my room."
"Okay, sweetie," Judy replied brightly, though she was idly tilting her head to read the front page of the newspaper sprawled across the square dining table.
On her way past, Dani paused. "Um -?" she hesitated, glancing at her mom, who was twisting the cork free from the neck, and then at Judy. "Can I come over again tomorrow?"
The cork came free with an expert pop. Her mother's mouth opened to speak, but before she could do so Judy smiled and said, "Of course, you can."
Dani's eyes darted to her mother, but Karen was merely pouring healthy glugs of burgundy wine into the two glasses. Not waiting to be denied this opportunity, Dani quickly slipped away. She retreated up the stairs, only to stop at the very top. There, she turned back around and crept back down a few more steps, avoiding all the boards that creaked and groaned, until she sat atop her favored step, where the sounds of the kitchen and living room could be heard best.
"I'm sorry she's such a bother," she heard her mother saying. "I keep telling her that she can't spend too much time over at your house. That you have other things to do."
"Nonsense. She's always welcome," said Judy, sounding like she actually meant it. "The boys love her. And besides, I appreciate having a little more estrogen around the place."
"If you say so," Karen murmured. There was a pause, a chair being moved, followed by, "I don't know how you do it, honestly. Four boys? Most days I don't know what to do with one girl."
Judy laughed. "Well, Mike's a godsend, let me tell you."
"Mmm," Karen hummed around a sip of wine, a sound that was all too familiar. "Definitely would be easier with someone else to lighten the load. Sam wasn't the best candidate for the job — not by a long shot — but at least he kept her occupied."
There followed a pause, then Judy asking almost too softly to overhear, "Does she talk about him much?"
At that Karen snorted. "No. Thank God. Though for the first year after he died it was 'Dad this' and 'Dad that.' Like he was still around to give her permission or excuses."
"Kids," said Judy, "can bounce back pretty quick, but they still need time to adjust. And she's adjusted just fine, by the looks of things."
"Better than I have, if I'm being honest," Karen said. Clink of glass against the table. "Sometimes I still come across his things around the house. Right when I least expect it. When I’ve thought I’ve finally forgotten all about him. Then suddenly there’s little pieces of him scattered around like — I don’t know. And then it’s like he never left.”
Judy's answer was gentle. "You're doing great. And, you know, Danielle isn't the only one welcome to come over when she wants company."
Dani couldn't remember the last time she'd heard her mother laugh — really laugh — even if it was wobbly, weak, even if her words were already starting to slur slightly. Karen cleared her throat, then Dani could hear the familiar sound of another glass of wine being drained and poured.
Shuffle of the newspaper beneath a set of hands. "Is this today's?" Judy asked.
Karen hummed, the noise rounded as it echoed in a glass.
"Is it baseball season yet? I can never keep track." Judy turned a few pages of the paper. "The boys have been driving me mad at the house this summer, and Mike promised to take them to a game."
"Never was one for sports," said Karen. "Did you read about the latest news from the Courts?"
"No?"
"Well, I have a friend who's a clerk there. You know Graham?"
Crinkle of the page and a noise from Judy indicating that she did indeed know a man by that name.
"At the gardens a few weeks ago," Karen continued and Dani's stomach swooped at the memory of the corporate function at the botanical gardens, "we got to talking about this Pilcher case."
"The sodomy one?"
"Yes, that one."
"I thought it'd already passed? Reynoldson was pretty clear about it."
"Well, Graham says that they're already slammed with appeals. Says that it's just a matter of time until they repeal more than that."
For a moment there was silence. Dani had very little idea what they were talking about — she made a mental note to look up the word ‘sodomy’ later, or perhaps ask Nan — but she listened for any clues.
“I don’t see how that has much to do with us,” Judy said.
“Soon they’ll be teaching queer nonsense in schools, and then it will have something to do with us.”
“They’re teenagers, Karen. The twins are turning seventeen this year — God help me. You remember what that was like. You think they don’t already have some idea of that kind of thing?”
“If they do,” her mother said in those cool clipped tones, “then it’s because of bad influences. And if it’s been taught, then it can be untaught.”
Judy sighed. “I suppose. Thank you for the wine. I should probably get back. I left Mike to finish prepping dinner, but I’ll need to make sure the kitchen isn’t on fire.”
Karen’s answering laugh had returned to the usual stiff and reedy variety that lacked any real joy. There was the scrape of chairs and the rustle of the newspaper pages against the wooden tabletop.
“Oh, no. You don’t have to,” said Judy. “I can show myself out.”
“You sure?”
“It’s fine. I’ll see you on Sunday!”
Footsteps down the hall. Judy came into view at the bottom of the stairs as she walked towards the front door. Dani was frozen in place like a deer in the headlights. She held her breath and remained still, as if moving would draw the attentions of a shark parting the waters. Judy paused at the base of the steps to glance over her shoulder back towards the kitchen, patting at the rear pocket of her jeans to check for keys, but she stopped when she caught sight of Dani further up the stairs, crouched and wide-eyed.
Dani’s heart pounded in her chest. It had been years since she’d been caught eavesdropping. Scampering up the stairs at the last second always ended badly. Flight was as good as proof of guilt.
Judy lifted her hand in a brief wave and offered Dani an anemic smile. When Dani did not return them, Judy continued on her way and she was gone.
--
Dani heard a tap at her window. She ignored it. Just that old tree branch that had grown too close and brushed up against the side of the house when there was a breeze. She wished her mother would hire an arborist to come trim it, but knew she would probably be the one to go over to the O'Mara household and ask to use some tools to do it herself. Most likely Eddie and Jamie would leap at the opportunity to help. And maybe Carson, though chances were he would just stand by Dani's side while they craned their necks and watched the other two risk life and limb to do this menial task.
Another tap. Louder this time. Heavier. Dani frowned and rolled over in bed. The air was utterly still and the tree branch was unmoving. She blinked, startled, when the tap came again and she saw something plink against the window and fall back towards the ground. Throwing off the sheets, she swung her legs over the side of the bed and crossed the room to open the window and poke her head out into the night air.
"Took you long enough. Bloody hell."
Dani gripped the windowsill and hissed, "What are you doing?"
"What's it look like I'm doing?" Jamie gestured to the ground around her. "Hurry up and come down."
"What?" Dani said, incredulous, and froze when she thought she heard the floorboards creak outside her room. She held her breath, looking over her shoulder and listening to her mother stumble past. Karen was murmuring to herself the way she did when she’d indulged in one glass too many.
Dani should have checked on her. She should have checked for the smoking butts of cigarettes between the couch cushions. She should have cleaned up the mess of a kitchen. Wine-dark rings on the table. The residue of a glass and stem.
Instead, she turned back to the window and said in a low voice, "Give me a sec."
Gripping the hem of her nightgown, Dani pulled it over her head and tossed it onto the bed as she crossed the room. She opened a chest of drawers and tugged on a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, and a sweater. She was pulling her hair back with a hair tie when she cautiously opened her bedroom door and, as quietly as she could, shut it behind her and sneaked down the stairs. She held her breath the whole way down and carried her shoes in her hands out the front door.
Jamie had moved around the house and was sitting on the stoop. She twisted round when Dani sat beside her. "Don't know why you're so nervous," she said. "Your mum sleeps like the dead after she's had a few."
Sighing, Dani pulled on her shoes. "Wish Nan slept that soundly. If she finds out you're out tonight -"
"She won't," Jamie said.
Dani paused in the act of lacing up her shoes to give Jamie a significant look.
Jamie rolled her eyes. "She had a glass of sherry. Plus, Mikey’s been driving her mad the last few evenings. She’ll be out like a light tonight."
"Hmm." Dani finished the final lace and leaned her elbows on her knees. "So, what are we doing?"
With a devilish grin, Jamie held up a set of keys and shook them. "Care for a drive?"
Dani's eyes widened. "You didn't."
"I did."
"She's going to be so angry."
"Only if she finds out."
Dani arched an eyebrow. In retaliation, Jamie knocked their ankles together. "C'mon. I bought us tickets and everything."
"Tickets? To what?" Dani asked, but Jamie was already standing and offering her hand, and Dani was taking it, allowing herself to be hauled to her feet and dragged along to the street.
"One of those outdoor picture theatres," Jamie said. She let go of Dani's hand when they reached the run down old truck that Nan had bought off of a local farmer when they'd first moved to town. Rounding the truck to yank open the driver's seat door — nobody ever locked their car doors in North Liberty; most people hardly locked their front doors in North Liberty — Jamie said, "Said you wanted to go to one of those, didn't you?"
"Yeah, I did," said Dani, pulling open the passenger's side and sliding up into the high seat. "But I didn't think anyone was listening at the time."
"Well, I was." Jamie slammed her door shut and stuck the key into the ignition before buckling up. She glanced over at Dani to check she had her own seat belt on, then stamped on the clutch and turned the key. The engine sputtered to life. Jamie flicked on the headlights, put the truck into gear, and pulled away from the curb as though she'd done this a thousand times and not only twenty.
"Have you and Mike been practising without me?" Dani asked, watching the smooth ease with which Jamie shifted gears.
"Nah," said Jamie, not taking her eyes off the empty road. "Nan's been having me drive her places. Says her leg's been acting up."
"Ah, yes. The old war wound," Dani said dryly.
Jamie snorted derisively. "What rubbish. Probably just got trod on by a horse, the daft cow."
"You're very brave when she's not within earshot."
"So're you, you f*ckin' hypocrite."
Dani grinned, letting herself settle into the worn seats, the old leather cracked with age and overexposure to sunlight. Whereas her mother's car was always a warren of old wrapping papers and receipts, loose pages and empty water bottles that smelled of vodka, Nan's truck was incredibly tidy. There was nothing to tangle up around Dani's feet when she stretched out her legs. An air freshener in the shape of a pine tree dangled from the rear view mirror, and there were tell tale signs of a rag that had been used to dust the dashboard. Jamie's handiwork at Nan's insistence, no doubt.
"Where is this place anyway?" Dani asked as Jamie shifted into fifth and sped up on the motorway. The ground was eaten up by the tires. The glow of the stars was faint compared to the glare of the truck's headlights parting the gloom.
“Grandview.”
“Grandview?” Dani repeated. “That’s, like, an hour away!”
“I promise to get you home before dawn,” Jamie drawled.
"You'd better. I don't want to turn into a pumpkin."
Jamie snickered. "Awfully cute pumpkin, though."
Dani pushed Jamie's hand off the gear stick. "Shut up."
Jamie let her hand be shoved aside, using the momentum to reach for the radio and flick it on. "Find us something, won't you?"
Dutifully, Dani leaned forward and began fiddling with the dial, sliding through frequencies until she landed on a station. "This one all right?"
Jamie shrugged and rested her hand back on the gear stick. "Your choice, inn’it?"
"Yeah, but I want to make sure you like it, too."
Turning her head quickly, Jamie flashed her an indulgent smile before staring out at the dark stretch of straight road before them. "Long as you're enjoying yourself, I don't mind much. Any music's fine."
For a moment, Dani said nothing. She let the grind of guitars play out for a few seconds, then reached out for the radio again, turning the dial until she found a pop station she actually liked. She furtively checked for a reaction, but all Jamie did was tap along to the rhythm against the steering wheel.
The inside of the truck was boiling, but neither of them bothered with the air conditioning. Dani cracked the passenger side window and leaned her head against the frame to let the warm August air pull across her face. Jamie already had her window rolled down, one elbow leaning against the open gap while she steered with one hand. Dani did not realize she was staring at the way Jamie's messy brown curls were tousled by the fast-moving air, until Jamie stole a glance over at her and grinned.
"See something you like?"
Dani smiled and looked back down the stretch of road before them. "You wish."
Jamie did not answer. Instead, she leaned forward and turned up the volume until the music drowned out the rush of the night air. Dani tucked a stray curl of blonde hair behind her ear and studied the roil of clouds in the sky. The night was humid and tense, as though the heavens were holding their breath in anticipation.
"Should be a big storm," Dani said idly over the music.
Jamie hummed, then replied, "Paper reckons it'll break on the weekend."
"You sure this isn't one of your hare-brained schemes to chase storms again?"
Jamie rolled her eyes. "If it were, I'd've dragged you out tomorrow instead."
To this Dani conceded with a shrug and nod. Outside there called a roll of distant thunder across the plains, but no matter how much Dani craned her neck she couldn't see any lightning.
By the time Jamie pulled off highway 61 and turned down a few back roads, they had switched radio stations three times in search of songs to sing along to. Music blared from the open windows as they drove along, dust and laughter and mismatched singing curling in the wake of the truck's tires. Dani turned down the volume when she saw a big screen looming over a field, its surface already flickering with light.
"Are we late?" Dani asked.
Jamie turned over her wrist to check her battered old watch. "Nah. Two minutes. Tops. Right on time, really."
A bored-looking man at a farm gate checked the tickets Jamie handed over with a flashlight. He shone the light in their faces, and Dani flinched away from the sudden brightness.
"This is an R rated movie, Miss," he said.
"Yup," said Jamie. "Knew that when I bought the tickets."
For a moment Dani was afraid he was going to ask them for some form of identification, but then he just shrugged and pulled open the gate. Jamie gave him a lazy wave as they passed, which he returned, shutting the gate behind them.
Dani was still blinking purple spots from her vision when she leaned forward in her seat. "Jamie."
"Hmm?"
"What movie are we seeing?"
"The only movie that was playing," said Jamie. "Carrie."
Dani's brows furrowed in thought as she tried to recall the premise of the movie. She vaguely remembered seeing an ad in the paper with the title, but she hadn't seen a trailer.
A horror film, she knew. The last time she had seen a horror film, Tommy and David had made them watch The Exorcist in the basem*nt. Carson had spent practically the whole time with his eyes covered by a pillow. Eddie had pretended to be unaffected, but every now and then he would grip Dani's hand and his jaw would clench as he swallowed. For her part, Dani kept waiting to be scared, waiting to feel the same thrill of fear that so clearly gripped the others, only to be vaguely disappointed when the anticipation was greater than the punchline. Or the pea soup, as it were.
"You all right with scary movies?" Jamie asked as she backed into a space beside a row of other already parked vehicles and killed the engine.
"They're okay. I haven't seen many," Dani answered honestly. "I think a better question is: why are we parked backwards?”
With a suggestive waggle of her eyebrows Jamie reached over the back of the seat into the cramped storage compartment between them and the base of the truck's bed. After a bit of rummaging around, she pulled out a pillow and a blanket. "Let's go," Jamie said, jerking her head towards the bed behind them. "I think it's about to start."
Grinning, Dani opened the passenger door and followed Jamie around the back of the truck. Jamie had already hopped out and opened the tray so that they could clamber up inside. It had been swept clean, not a speck of dirt to be found by Nan's critical eye. Jamie tossed down the pillow against the back and sat, peeling back the blanket to leave a clear space beside her. Dani took it without a hint of hesitation, pulling half of the blanket over herself and wriggling closer to Jamie so they could share.
The film had already been running for a few seconds. They’d missed the opening producer’s logo. On screen a group of girls was playing volleyball at school, and all of them were blaming the titular character for being bad at sports and making them lose.
Jamie nudged her side gently. “Didn’t know they made this movie about you, Poppins.”
Dani nudged her back not as gently. “Shut up.”
Jamie just snickered. As the title sequence began to roll across the visual of a locker room, Jamie pointed up at the screen. “Think I saw a tit,” she said.
Dani rolled her eyes. “Is that all you think about?”
Unabashed, Jamie just shrugged. “Usually. Yeah.”
Water and blood was running down a girl’s naked thigh on screen, but Dani hardly noticed. She was too preoccupied by the way Jamie's legs tangled up in her own, both of them wearing shorts. Skin against warm skin. When Dani rearranged her ankles to a more comfortable position, Jamie didn't even glance over at her, simply shifted so that Dani's calves were between both of her own, the two settling against one another. One of their shoulders overlapped. Dani could feel part of Jamie's chest rise against the base of her shoulder blade with every inhalation.
"Is this comfortable?" Dani murmured.
Jamie shot her a quick grin. “Yeah. ‘Course. You?”
Dani nodded. On screen Carrie was in the principal’s office, clutching folders and papers to her chest. “Wish I got a week off of gym class,” Dani said under her breath.
Jamie laughed and Dani could feel every movement. “At least your mum’s not as nutty as this one.”
Dani hummed in agreement but said nothing and the film rolled on. Most of what Dani knew of horror films involved chainsaws and sharks and priests chanting Latin at possessed girls. To her, chainsaws were useful tools. Sharks were all but nonexistent apart from a concept that involved distant oceans. And she had yet to come across a possession no matter how many times Jamie claimed Jackie Pullman was the Antichrist.
This was different. This was a quiet suburban district. This was familiar hairstyles. Familiar midwestern accents and familiar clothes. A school that might as well have been filmed on their own campus, and the kind of crude bullying classmates that made her wince. A mother dragging a daughter through the kitchen and locking her into a closet until she screamed, pounded at the door with fists and wails, voice raw, begging to be let out until she broke. Tremor and prayer and—
“Hey.”
Jamie’s voice jerked Dani from the screen. She was tense all over and squeezing Jamie’s hand tight enough that her own bones creaked.
“Sorry,” Dani mumbled. She tried to pull her hand away, but Jamie held her fast and warm.
“We can go,” said Jamie. “If you want. We can just go.”
Dani’s eyes darted back up to the screen, but the scene had passed. Mrs. White was accepting a kiss on the cheek from her daughter before bed and Carrie was crying into her own reflection in the bathroom mirror.
They could leave. It didn’t matter that Dani had been wanting to go to an outdoor picture theatre for the pure novelty of it. It wasn’t about watching a movie. Jamie would laugh it off and drive them back without even making Dani feel bad about it. They could take the long way home. They could wend their way back, lazy as you please, letting the August wind guide them. She could watch the way Jamie's hair caught the breeze, the way her face was lit up by the rare passing car. She didn't need an excuse to drive with Jamie for hours with no destination in mind, nowhere to be tomorrow, nothing but road ahead and road behind, long and straight as far as the eye could see.
Still, Dani shook her head. “It’s fine,” she insisted. “This is fine.”
In the night, in the soft light of the large screen stretching over a field, Jamie’s eyes were dark. The faintest glint of the screen reflected when she blinked, studying Dani’s face, her own expression inscrutable. Then Jamie smiled. "Right, then."
She shifted and for a brief moment Dani thought she was going to pack them up to leave regardless, but Jamie only moved around enough so that she could slip her arm around Dani's back, her hand lingering at Dani's waist. "Offer still stands," Jamie said. "Whenever you like."
There was a snarky remark on the tip of Dani's tongue, but she couldn't bring herself to say it. Not when Jamie was being sweet. She relaxed against Jamie’s arm with a sigh, letting her head lean against Jamie’s shoulder as they settled in for the rest of the movie. The premise only got more ridiculous. Somehow it was better with the supernatural elements. Less real. Carrie moving things with her mind. Carrie being less of a girl and more of a spectre. Dani actually had to bite her lip to hold back a snort when the bucket of blood dropped on her prom date and knocked him clean out on the floor.
“Bit silly,” Jamie said with a huff of laughter. She was a line of warmth against Dani’s flank. Her hand hadn’t moved from its spot at Dani’s waist in what must have been an hour.
“It’s the hose that gets me,” Dani said, miming it with her hand in Jamie’s face. When Dani dared to tap at Jamie’s nose, Jamie stuck out her tongue and Dani jerked her hand back with an amused squeak. Flames leapt up the twenty foot tall screen, shrouding Carrie in gruesome reds, but Dani was too busy wriggling away from Jamie's treacherous prodding at just the right place on her side that always made her squirm.
The first drop of rain splattered against the blanket and at first Dani thought it was a moth attracted by the soft light. The next drop of rain however landed on the back of her arm. She jerked, looking up at the sky. At first the sound of rain falling was drowned out by the shrill shriek of violins, but a flash of lightning and the roll of thunder was impossible to miss.
“Weekend my flat arse,” Jamie swore, sounding more like Nan than ever as she and Dani both scrambled from the bed of the truck.
“Pillow!” Dani pointed even as she carried the blanket in her own arms.
Swearing again — the rain was coming thick and fast now — Jamie stood on the tire so she could reach into the truck bed and snatch up the pillow. They clambered back into the truck, drenched and laughing. Jamie’s hair was plastered to her face and neck like trails of black ink, and Dani raked a hand through her own hair to get it away from her face.
“This is better than the end of the movie anyway,” Jamie said with a broad grin. Her cheeks were flushed pink and her white shirt might as well have been invisible from the way it clung to her frame.
Dani reached out and plucked at the sleeve of her t-shirt, laughing, “You look like you just jumped into a lake.”
“Think you’re any better off?” Jamie asked. She winked, brushing Dani’s hand off so she could start the engine. “C’mon. Let’s get out of here.”
Rain pummeled the roof of the truck in a steady downpour broken only by the occasional flash and crack of the sky overhead. Jamie nursed the truck along, leaning forward in her seat and craning her neck for a glimpse of lightning forking across the sky in favor of speeding down the road, while Dani rubbed the wet from her hair with whatever dry parts of the blanket she could find.
“Do I really look that bad?” Dani asked.
“You saying I look bad?”
Glancing over, Dani let her eyes wander across the stretch of wet fabric across Jamie’s shoulders. “No,” she said, clearing her throat. Then she added, “The jeans are uncomfortable though.”
With a grimace, Jamie shifted in her seat and tugged at the line of her too short jeans with her spare hand. “True that. Should’ve worn a skirt.”
“You don’t own a skirt.”
“Just because you haven’t seen me wear a skirt,” said Jamie. “Doesn’t mean I don’t own a skirt.”
“I want to see it when we get back.”
“Tomorrow,” Jamie said. “And you’ll make me cups of tea for a week as payment for when you lose.”
Dani stuck out her hand. “Shake on it.”
Gamely — and careful not to take her eyes off the road — Jamie reached out and shook Dani’s hand. As Dani was about to retract it however, Jamie tightened her hold with a grin. “And what do you want if you win?”
“Is this your way of saying you don’t actually own a skirt?” Dani asked, and she teased at the soft underside of Jamie’s wrist with the tips of her fingers.
Jamie tangled their fingers together to get her to stop. “No. It’s my way of asking what you want to do next time.”
Smiling, Dani said, “See another movie?”
“Done.”
Jamie shook her hand firmly once more, then let her go.
--
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